Me and my NP have a boundary to always use full protection (condoms and dental dams) when with others so we can stay barrier free. I recently came back together with my other partner (long story). I knew her sexual relationships and trust her that she minimizes her risk even though she only uses condoms. She tests herself for STI every 3 months and never had a positive result the time I knew her.

When we had sex again I decided based off of me feeling secure to not use a dental dam. I didn´t tell my NP about that. I was afraid she would be mad as she is not on good terms with my other partner and I was afraid of the consequences. This happened some more times which I still kept to myself.

In the last weeks my NP thought she had reoccuring UTIs. Checked by a doctor they found no bacteria responsible and assume it could be chlamydia. She doesnt have results yet. We both think it came from somewhere else and that it probalby doesn´t have anything to do with my risky behavior. I just think this context is important. She already feels vulnerable and is really scared of STIs.

Today I wanted her to tell the truth during our regular RADAR. She tells me I cheated on her, she doesn´t understand why I didn´t tell her earlier, she feels betrayed and doesn´t know how she wants our relationship to go. I completly understand her. I feel awful. I regret not using protection. I regret not telling her immediatly. I am scared to loose her.

Right now she is gone processing with a friend and I don´t really know who to talk to. I don´t know what I want from posting this. Maybe see it as a warning. Any advice would still be appreciated.