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My wife (42F) and I (43M) have been together for 25 years now and since our youngest kid also moved out last year and we have an empty house, we have been experimenting with and spicing up our sex lives to make up for all the lost time. 8-9 months ago, a couple we have been friends with for a while told us that they frequently do 'partner-swaps' with other couples, and how it helps keep their sex life fresh and interesting while avoiding usual open marriage jealousy and issues. They proposed swapping with us, and after some thought we decided to do it because we have spent the majority of our romantic/sexual life with each other and not experienced much with other people before.
It was a really wild and fun experience, and since then we have swapped with them and dozens of other couples regularly. Even though we were a bit skeptical about it causing issues, surprisingly things have been chill and there's no jealousy or negative feelings, probably because we're both doing it and discuss our experiences later. It has made our intimate life a lot more fulfilling and I find my wife even more desirable now and not just the mum of my kids.
About two weeks ago, we met a couple, Jake (32M) and Katie (34F) through our partner-swap FB group. They looked cool and I was attracted to Katie and my wife to Jake, so we swapped with them. I had a great time with Katie, she was hot, sensuous, funny, we both loved it and even discussed doing it again. When I told my wife the next day about it, she was happy for me but said that her experience was really average, that Jake didn't know much about pleasuring her and it was very random and overall she was unsatisfied. I can believe her because during my time with Katie, she also exclaimed several times how it was the first time she was experiencing several things/sensations and even that I was better than her usual.
Anyway, I told her that we don't have to swap with them again if she didn't enjoy (even though I wish I could get together with Katie again). Now the issue is that they have been hitting us up regularly trying to set up another session, especially since I told Katie that night that I'd be 100% down for it again and wife had also told Jake she liked it (out of politeness). We are running out of excuses and the truth feels rude to say. They also live in our community so ghosting wouldn't be the best idea. What's the best way to handle this?
tldr: wife and I hooked up with another couple but wife was left unsatisfied, the couple wants to do it again but we don't know how to respond
Yes 💯 it's something built up. You build on experiences with each other to get a better feel of what they do & likely might enjoy trying. Obviously you want to start with a good first experience and build from there & that first time or 2 with a new partner it's big communicating what you like and want so it is good.
Jake might just be selfish & isn't interested in expanding outside his little box, and it's fair to not give it time to build. But in future communication in bed will help the wife avoid more Jake experiences.
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I second a lot of this. Once my primary partner got more comfortable telling a new partner what they liked and wanted during an encounter that was missing the mark the quality of her encounters greatly increased because they aren't going to know her body and interests like I do so being more vocal about it with new partners over time was a game changer. Some people are very perceptive in bed & some are not, but aren't necessarily uncaring bad lovers. Often people with a long monogamous background only know good sex as the same way they've been doing it with their long-term partner for years.
If the wife isn't willing to give it another shot with this gentleman and be more vocal, hopefully she'll take that listen to the next swap. And just tell the couple the chemistry is better as friends in the lifestyle.