Hey!

I'm (35F) feeling incredibly insecure at the moment. I'm new to poly - only 4 months in after a 10 year relationship (5 years married and have one son).

I was the one to initiate this - I used to be the kink scene and wanted to explore it again. My husband and I have had a largely sexless marriage, even in the early days. I have a higher sex drive than him - there's been repeated instances where I would try to initiate and be rejected.

My husband (35M) has been away for 5 weeks. During this time, I've been looking after my son, with help from my family. I have limited free time juggling work, childcare and exercise (I'm trying to lose weight). During this time, I had a relationship break down at the start of these 5 weeks (where the partner didn't respect my boundaries including around using a condom) and been on 1 date (lovely guy, just no attraction).

My husband, on the other hand, has been seeing 2 gorgeous American dancers, let's call them Sally & Lucy. Previously he's told me he only has a high sex drive during the day. Well, apparently not. He's seen both women on the same day including overnight stays with Lucy. He's told me he has fallen in love with Lucy. They've hung out socially with his sister, friends, gone for meals out multiple times in addition to having sex.

I had talked with my husband that after he's had sex with a partner, I find reassurance helpful. That didn't happen immediately after he had a threesome with Lucy & Sally (he had checked with me before about the threesome & I had said go for it).

This was really triggering for me - I think I could have communicated it in a better way I said "I would have appreciated reassurance in addition to you telling me what happened" - I chatted to a therapist who said it'd have been better to approach it with "I'm glad you had a great time. Previously we spoke about you giving me reassurance after a date, is everything ok? " - so going for more of a discussion instead of a "telling off". He did immediately apologise and said he'd messed up.

Both Sally & Lucy are going back to America. Husband has said he's still thinking about whether he wants to keep in contact with Lucy after returning from holiday.

He is saying a lot of "I love you, you're my true love, I can't wait to come home" etc but I'm finding it hard to believe it.

My gut instinct is to push him away as a defence mechanism - I think it comes from a place of fear of losing him and fear of being unattractive to him.

TLDR: Feeling insecure about husband falling in love & having lots of sex with beautiful dancers.

Any advice is welcome.