I don't even know where to start and I will just apologize in advance because I am not a pro at all the terminology and acronyms.

TL;DR: GF gave husband mental break down and told wife to stay out of it.

My husband and I have been ENM in some way for 9 years. Currently I have a BF of 2 years and he lives with us that is on the newer side of things, only about 2-3 months now. My husband has a GF and they have been together for 8 months. She has no interest in living with anyone, to be clear. She labels herself as Solo Poly. The rest of us are just unlabeled non-mono.

The BF and the GF have never really clicked. Just not a vibe. They are 2 totally different people. But have found common ground and had made things friendly enough to have game nights and date nights, etc. It does seem like she holds some feelings of jealously that he lives with us and has access to us 24/7, even tho she herself prefers her own home and space.

GF recently really wanted to try for a more poly family situation and myself and the husband were ok with it, the BF was reluctant but agreed and we started to have some deeper conversations about our feelings, how and what triggers us, how to handle those moments, couple privilege, etc. We are always willing to grow and learn within the dynamic. And she had more experience in the poly world so great!

This is where things started to get a little more difficult within the dynamic. Everything started to turn into a "very serious conversation" with the GF. Any little thing went wrong, and we'd all have sit down for HOURS and talk about how she, he, we felt and how to avoid it in the future and code words, etc. Everything was over analyzed. We believe in communication 100% but this was overboard. You couldn't joke, look at you phone, get up, have side conversations, or seem the lease bit distracted during these conversations either. Or she would be pissed off and feel like you weren't taking the talk seriously.

Last month the 4 of us were out, and apparently during a conversation between the guys something was said that she wasn't comfortable with. She did question it at the time and they explained, but she wasn't satisfied with the answer. Several days later, she called my husband to question him about the conversation. It is important to mention my husband is currently struggling with mental health issues and she is aware. He can not recall the conversation anymore, not the exact details.

For 2 days, she berates and interrogates him, and called him out of his character. Talks about how she used to have him on a pedestal, etc. Just hours long phone calls. To the point where myself and my BF had to finally step in. He was having a mental breakdown. I had to remove all the weapons from the home. I texted her, "Is this really necessary?"

She replied that it was inappropriate of me to get involved in their relationship. I did apologized because in my husband state he did give me incorrect information about something she said, so for that I did apologize for.

But she stated he needed to use his voice.

Since then she has decided she wants no relationship with my BF, and he wants nothing to do with her after what he put my husband through. She has also not spoken to me. And has told my husband she is still upset with me. For some reason, after that night, she was no longer upset with the comment from my husband and decided it was my BF who she is upset with. And she won't come to our house anymore.

This is all a huge mess. And obviously my husband feels like he is in the middle. I want to support my husband and his relationships but that was toxic AF. I've told him we don't have to be a happy family. We can co-exist. Our house has walls and doors. IDK. But I do think she needs to go.