Hi folks. I've been with my current partner for almost 3 years. Our relationship started soon after I broke up with my previous boyfriend (whom I've been with since I was 16 up to my early 20s). He was my first and only sexual partner and when I started dating other people I met my current boyfriend and fell completely in love with him. A few months later, we were a couple. Things moved quickly, but the connection was very strong and so were our feelings. Thing is... he's my second sexual partner, and I've always had a lot of bottled up desires of being intimate with other people. This brought up a few problems at the beginning of our relationship because I expressed I still wanted to experiment with other people but I knew he wasn't ready for an open relationship at the time. I thought our relationship meant a lot more than me wanting to fuck other guys, and I dismissed those feelings. We talked about it tho, and came to the conclusion that maybe our foundations weren't strong enough to try an open relationship and carry it succesfully.

Last year, I went on a two and a half Europe trip short after I finished university. My boyfriend stayed in my home country because he was still studying and couldn't afford the trip. I visited 8 countries and met so many people and had a truly life changing experience. During my trip, I stayed in hostels, made lots of friends along the way and went out pretty wildly during the first month or so. That led to some experiences I regret. I kissed a few people, and ended up having sex with a guy in a bar. Although I drank heavily, felt somewhat encouraged by the people around me ("you're 22... how come you've never tried anything with anyone other than your boyfriend?... what happens in Europe stays in Europe" dumb. shit.) I am responsible for what happened. I was selfish, impulsive and ended up making the wrong decisions because I repressed these sexual urges for a very long time, dismissed my boyfriends feelings and betrayed our trust in each other.

I ended up opening up about this with my partner recently. I knew I was gonna tell him because I didn't want it to be a secret I had to live with for the rest of my life and he deserves to know it. He was angrier at the fact that I kept it a secret to myself and I was dishonest rather than the cheating itself. He expressed he still loves me and wants to be with me, but feels hurt and doesn't trust me completely right now. He said I have to bring in the solutions, and that we have to change our relationship if we want to be together because monogamy will probably not work for us. I am open to anything, I don't want to end our relationship and I actually appreciate the love he's expressed to me even in this shitty situation. We both want to work our way up into a better relationship and are willing to try other ways. That's why I'm here. But at the same time I'm so lost, and I feel so bad. I know time will make everything more clear, but I'd appreciate you're advice: what's the best approach? the next step? what types of non-monogamous relationships exist out there?

Thank you for your time.