15 years ago I opened my relationship with my bf. As soon as I brought up the topic he admitted he was already cheating and maybe I should have taken that as a warning but I just went with it and continued with opening the relationship as the natural resolution. For the last 15 years Ive been very respectful of what I thought were the rules of an open relationship. I spent much more time with my bf than other guys, I always put my bf first, kept dinner time open, I didn't get too close to any one guy, I didn't see the same fwb more than once every 2 weeks or see the same guy more then like 6 times in total ever. I didn't fall in love with other guys, go on dates with other guys, or spend money on other guys, and always told them that I had a bf.

Recently my bf has been acting strange and bitchy and depriving me of affection/sex and disappearing at odd hours in the middle of what I thought were supposed to be our hours and staying with his hookups way too long. Meanwhile he also claims he cant work more than 20 hours a week and doesn't have money and basically just freeloads out of my house and spends my money and stopped paying me anything or even pretending that he has a plan to pay me back. So I decided to start surveilling him and gathering intel.

It turns out the situation is much worse than I ever could have imagined. I knew he was a slut but it seems like hes fucked almost every guy in town, thousands of guys. His whole life is a lie. He has an itinerary of fucking 3-5 guys per day and going to bathhouses and sex parties and doing drugs. Some of these guys are regulars. Some of them are fwbs. Some of them are basically bfs. There is a single guy that he has over 4,000 text messages with over the last 3 years and some of them include things "i love you", "i miss you", plans for elaborate vacations they have (with my money), and lies that are told to me. This is the worst part. I can handle the sluttiness but not this - not lies, betrayals, and romances. I thought deep romances were clearly off limits or in poly territory.

I dont know what to do now. ITs not like theres just one affair I can address. Theres a deep entrenched romance and multiple boyfriends and dozens of fwbs. It's his entire life. He's have to give and up and change his entire life to comply with what I think is a fair relationship and I know hes not going to do that and will just get upset and tell more lies. I think he's 'too far gone'. Im going to have to decide whether to just dump him, or whether to convert to relationship to full open poly, or idk what else I haven't thought of yet. What can I do? Im still thinking. I haven't gotten upset or brought it up yet. For now I cant even bring any of it up with him without blowing my cover and instead Id rather just continue to plant more surveillance and gather more intel. Perhaps I will just have fun for some period of time finding and dating my own side boyfriends and that will help me to detach.