I'm curious about how others navigate communication at play parties when mutual attraction sparks the possibility of a scene. For example, let's say I meet someone at a play party—I'll call them Fin—and we're both interested in playing together. Do you expect Fin to check in with your partner(s) who are also attending the party before you proceed? And do you make it a point to check in with Fin's partners? How common is this practice?

Background: My girlfriend and I attend local play parties occasionally, and we're both committed to fostering a culture of care and respect among attendees. We're both poly, so we chat about stuff a lot. Personally, if I want to play with someone—let's call her Anne—I always have a conversation with her first and ask if she's checked in with her partners. If she hasn't, I encourage her to do so before we move forward. If I know her partners, I'll usually follow up with them myself afterward. However, I don’t expect Anne to check in with my partners at the party before our scene.

Here’s where it gets tricky: My girlfriend tends to view Anne negatively if Anne doesn't take the initiative to check in with her first. Should this be an expectation? Or is it more about individual dynamics?

Another angle: I sometimes wonder if there's a gender aspect to this. For example, I feel uncomfortable asking Anne’s boyfriend if he’s okay with me playing with her, as it feels somewhat patriarchal. On the other hand, my girlfriend mentioned something about a "sisterhood," which might mean this feels different for her.

What are your thoughts? When you're considering a play scene with someone new, do you ask them about their relationship dynamics or potential impact on their relationships? Do you check in with their partners beforehand? And if you're a guy checking in with another guy, how do you approach the conversation? Personally, I often find myself navigating the conversation delicately, but I worry about being misunderstood.