Over the past few months, I've done some soul searching while my fiance and I explored polyamory. While he was able to meet and begin dating his current girlfriend, I had difficulties and never found anyone worth pursuing a relationship with. Flirting with other people was fun but it never sat right with me and I always craved my fiance in the long run. In the beginning I found polyamory to be fun and exciting and I enjoyed sharing my partner sexually. As time went on and my partner got closer to his girlfriend and they began saying I love you and having more dates together, I began to feel insecure and resentful.

These feelings worsened over time and I know it comes from my abandonment and trust issues but I've been trying to work on it. Most recently, after a long talk with my therapist I realized polyamory is not for me. I want my partner and I to be dedicated to each other and each other alone. When I brought this up to my fiance, he was very upset, saying that he tried to warn me about this before bringing other people into the relationship and it's my fault that I didn't think things through. I told him I no longer wanted to be poly and he said that if he's going to break up with his girlfriend, he wants to do it of his own accord and not because I get caught up in my feelings.

Fast forward to last night, we are rough housing together and he says that bad boys get all the girls and that's what he wants to be. When I asked him if that's what he wanted to do he said yes and then I told him I would leave if that were to happen. He shrugged it off playfully but it stuck with me. It seems like he's choosing nonmonagamy over me despite the fact that we've been together for 4 years. I almost feel like he stays with me because I am the safe choice. He wants me because Im The stereotypical embodiment of a housewife and loving partner but he wants to whore around and do whatever he wants too.

Its been like this since the beginning of our relationship. There was always another girl, there was always someone else he was talking to. I brought up opening the relationship so I could have control over the situation but I only dug myself into a larger hole. I thought that by opening up the relationship he would see that I was trying to make him happy and he wouldn't feel the need to be with other women so much (suffers from porn and sex addiction) but this wasn't the case. I feel like he just ended up wanting more and more and I would have to keep sacrificing pieces of myself so that he could be happy.

I know I'm in my head about somethings but others come off as a huge red flag to me. I've struggled with feeling like I'm not a priority to him and it's only gotten worse since he started dating his girlfriend. Am I wrong for changing my mind? Should I continue to suffer emotionally and mentally because it's not my relationship? What should I do if he chooses nonmonagamy over me? He's concerned with how his girlfriend is going to take it and says that I need to be thinking about her feelings too. While I understand this is going to be hard for the both of them, she knew what she was getting into when she started dating him. This wasn't going to last forever right? I feel like an ass for changing my mind but I am emotionally and mentally debilitated from this experience.