I (29 cishet M) have been single for about a year and a half, and I haven't been in a LTR that lasted longer than a year since 2020. That's been by design somewhat, but as I come out the other side of getting closer to figuring out what I want, I've realized I'd like to find a partner who would be open to, if not enthusiastic about, eventually opening up the relationship. I don't think I fall into being polyamorous, even though I highly value making strong, genuine connections with even the most casual of partners, but I'm trying to determine whether I may land in solo poly territory or am better suited for physical ENM that would still remain on the escalator.

I live in a highly LGBTQ /ENM-friendly major U.S. city, but I've found that, as a (mostly) straight, cishet man, finding someone who is both on the same page as me and is interested in me has been difficult. I'm rather effeminate for a guy and most of my closest friends are queer, but the transparency I've listed on places like Hinge — and Feeld, when I used it for a few months — hasn't led to any serious long-term prospects. I've gotten matches for short-term dating in the meantime, but I think a lot of women have been scared off by my selecting the "figuring out my relationship type" option on my profile. I list context below that but it still hasn't worked out for me, and I stopped using Feeld because I had exactly two matches in three months of being a paid user and neither led to a date.

I'm not seeking an alternative to transparency, but that's why I don't know what to do. I'd be curious to hear from people who have been in my shoes as a guy and from women who date such men (you don't have to be straight, but I would at least surmise that many ENM WLW don't have the same struggle on dating apps in this regard) who have successfully dated folks who were also open about wanting openness down the line, or at least the possibility to explore it. How did you go about dating and finding someone with that caveat being fully acknowledged and either mutually wanted or at least respected?