Hi all,

I am looking for advice or guidance about threesomes with my partner. We have had two so far and around 5 dates together to find potential sexual partners. I am bisexual, he is straight and we started out poly but are not mostly monogamous bar threesomes. It’s something I always wanted to try and with the right people, it’s been so much fun and I’ve loved being able to sleep with women whilst being in a committed relationship. If anything I felt the experience brought us closer.

I am having a lot of anxiety of late though. My partners sex drive is far lower than mine. He is on medication affects libido and he is very stressed day to day. This means we probably have sex around once a week max. However, when we arrange three way dates, he suddenly seems to have capacity to have sex multiple times a week. This week we have three dates planned, which could all potentially lead to intimacy. It means any sex we have this week will involve another woman and what hurts me is that he is miraculously able to get excited for it but can’t do that with me. I should add that we are together every night so it’s not like we don’t have time together to have sex more often. He has also suggested it some nights and then become too tired or physically can’t make it happen. He has been given medication to help with this but doesn’t take it ahead of meeting me which again, is probably a symptom of the low sex drive due to medication.

I have voiced my concerns about our own sex life and threesomes to which he has just said it’s not a reflection on me but I can’t expect to have sex with him every day (which I don’t). He said we spend so much time together that it’s not feasible. I genuinely find that with the right dates, I don’t feel jealous and I feel excited, so that’s not the issue. He issue is his sex drive suddenly changing. I feel like an absolutely insecure, nagging partner who isn’t cool enough or whatever. I’m at the point where I don’t want to raise it anymore because it feels like I’m saying you need to have sex with me more or no threesomes. I don’t know what to do or how to make peace with the whole thing. Any advice is very much welcome. I’m just very insecure and scared of fucking my relationship up by being the nagging insecure partner all the time who is complaining and can’t just relax. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this? One more note - a lot of dates pull out last minute so we arrange a few with cancellations in mind. We might not end up having 3 this week but it’s the thought that cuts me.