I consider myself poly single. I’m dating numerous different people but I live on my own and none of the people I am dating are my boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m not opposed to having a bf/gf, but they must also be non monogamous like me and we have to agree on rules.

The only person who comes close to a relationship for me is my situationship, who I met while I was actively dating numerous people. He knows I am non monogamous. He knows what I need to have a bf/gf. I have been transparent about these things. He is monogamous, though. He doesn’t express any jealousy toward me for being non monogamous; he asks me to not mention my male partners but he is ok with hearing about my female partners. For him, monogamy isn’t about protecting the other from jealousy; he thinks that a relationship on principle should always be monogamous because he thinks enm relationships are shallow and a failure. He also thinks it makes him less of a man if he “lets his girlfriend get fucked by another guy”, so there’s definitely toxic masculinity there too

Despite this obvious incompatibility in our relationship values, we caught feelings for each other. I would love to be in a relationship with him. But he admitted that if he were to have a relationship with me, he would expect it to be monogamous. He believes he can change me over time and this has led to many heated discussions. I keep trying to explain that enm is not shallow and it’s not emasculating. Can I convince him? Are we doomed?