Been married 9 years. And for the last 4/5 I’ve been suggesting she look outside our relationship for sex.

I am seeking some advice if you manage to read through. Thanks in advance.

She was very dismissive to begin with. And didn’t even really want to discuss it. When we did discuss it she only said she believed it was my fantasy and not something she’s into.

I feel I should give the context that prior to our marriage she was in multiple same sex arrangements. So part of me has always felt that she probably has desires she isn’t able to fulfil in our relationship. The other side of me is very much turned on by her being with someone else.

Recent events: Two weeks ago, she went out for a friends birthday karaoke. I opted to stay home so we didn’t have to find a babysitter for our two kids. When she returned home she confessed to having kissed someone. She went on to elaborate that he hit on her and after some time she kissed him and then again later in the night. When he approached her to go home with him she rejected him.

Needless to say this confession was very exciting for me and I let her know that i was pleased to hear she’d had fun.

I did have some mixed feelings the next day and realised that it was because she had previously only rejected the idea and so we had never discussed the ground rules. We discussed things more openly and clarified things. But I still feel we have work to do.

In other events. She went to a work colleagues party a few months ago. She returned from that quite late and very drunk. She explained they did karaoke and had a spa. In the morning I woke up thinking, she didn’t go prepared for a spa. It was after asking that she explained that she had gone nude along with others who she’d just met. The host of the party it turned out is gay couple with gay and trans friends. She said assured me nothing happened and I was fine. More recently she elaborated that there were other activities on the night such as a room where people painted their pussys or tits and stamped them on a piece of paper. She said she did her tit on a piece of paper.

Current day:

She has been invited for another party at the karaoke spa house. And while I’m fine with her going I’m having conflicting emotions. Sex has taken a back seat in our relationship the last two weeks. Mainly due to busy schedules and her time of the month coming up. Whilst I feel excited that she might find herself hooking up with someone. I’m also a little bit miffed at the same time. Part of the miffed feeling is the suspicion that she knew what this party was going to be the whole time because she never invited me to the first one. At the same time, as it’s a work colleagues party, I think it genuinely is not a hook up scenario despite all the seemingly tantalising suggestions in the story.

Either way I’m having trouble putting it out of my head this week. I haven’t really discussed it with this week. I am losing a bit of sleep with the anticipation of what might happen.

Any advice or reflections on what I’ve shared? I’m sorry to not have a specific question. I just want to sort of let go of some of the tension I’m feeling inside.