Me (29f) and my partner (29m) have been dabbling in an open relationship. We’ve been together 4 years, talked about opening it 2 years ago and did last summer, closed it off and opened it again 2 months ago

I’ve been in many shitty relationships before which sometimes invades my mind and puts lots of horrible thoughts in there. When I’m going on a date my partners excited and when he goes on a date I’m excited. He likes meeting new people and the talking before the fun. For me to explore my queer side as my ex basically shoved me back into the closet after I came out where I wasn’t allowed to talk about me being bi or go to pride. My partner now is not like that at all and is happy for me to explore that side of me.

Our rules are:

It’s just physical, and we are each others primary partner

No hanging out in their house and then cooking dinner for you - outside activities and then head back to theirs for fun. Never back at ours.

Aftercare is important between us. Nice for us to come back and talk to each other about the date and cuddle. Avoid going to a different city for a date.

Check in with each other about dates

No staying the night. No showering together

So these are the rules

recently we both went on a dates. He went to a different city, they swapped numbers a month before but didn’t mention it, told me on the day he was leaving, which was like a “mmm” moment, as I thought we’ve just touch base on things like that, as I’m not bothered by swapping numbers, would be nice to know tho. While on my date hI sent my partner a message here and there when I was in the toilet or my date was, saying it was fun and hoped he was having fun.

I went home, nothing sexual had happened with my date. I woke up at 6am and I hadn’t had a text off my partner, I messaged him saying I felt nervous about not getting a message off him. He messaged me saying he was just leaving hers. Saying he didn’t stay the night, he just went back to hers and was chatting for ages before anything sexual happened. And he kept saying I had to believe him, and I just started spiralling.

I feel like there were so many rule breaks and he began arguing. We didn’t even have the aftercare. He came back from the city and just went to sleep while I was at work.

He says that I just have to believe him

I don’t know what to do. Am I being overly jealous? Is this going to work for us? This is my first time doing this and any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know some of you may want to sarcastically comment, but I love this man and I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose him with all this arguing and the way I react to situations due to my past relationships impacts. I really want us to have fun and work on us