My wife and I (M, 33) opened our relationship just before we got married. She is bi and I knew I couldn’t provide her what a woman could, so I was more than willing. I also dreamt of some MFM and FFM interactions, so it felt pretty great.

For context: wife could walk into a room and just point at people with an A-range success rate. I’m… fine? But she didn’t marry me for my looks, which is also fine.

She had an ongoing sexual relationship with an old girlfriend, which we learned a lot from, yet didn’t set any real boundaries. Fast forward a few years, and she has a male colleague who shows a lot of interest, and that interest is very mutual. He is also a model, and naturally I’ve felt a little insecure.

But we did a lot of really intensive work over a two-week period including hours of reading The Ethical Slut aloud and working through boundaries and insecurities. We got to a great place where our marriage is the best it’s ever been, especially the communication and sex.

All of that said, I have been on Tinder, Hinge, and Feeld for a while, with a few numbers acquired, but no dates. My confidence has never been sky-high, and I know married men are not exactly hot commodities, so I never felt like I would gain anything from it.

While my wife is out on her first date with my new metamour, I find a couple on Feeld. I like her, (let’s call her Sandy, idk why) Sandy likes me back, and we start talking. Not only is she my exact type physically, I have been blown away by their transparency, their clear boundaries (stag/vixen, no cuckold, only play together), and just the ease with which I talk to her. He is a little less involved but very kind.

The best part is, they prioritize genuine connection when seeking partners, and that is also what I want. Casual sex has never been my thing. I need to at least be crushing a little. In this case, I am very much crushing.

Everything is going swimmingly, and last night, Sandy texts me and asks if I want to meet up at the place we had agreed to if we were to meet up. Mind you, I had only been to this place on afternoons, and it was pretty quiet. In my head, we’re gonna have a few drinks, get to know each other and set up a potential sexual encounter later.

As I’m pulling into the parking lot, I have a message from Sandy saying that some friends tagged along. I worry a little about my social battery, but decide to forge on. Then I get close to the door and this once quiet place is basically a nightclub.

I am so caught off-guard from meeting 5 new people while I’m alone, I can’t hear, and feel this social pressure to not blow it. I greet Sandy and go to grab a drink. I am standing in line and start to recognize all the physical feelings of a panic attack coming on. She comes to hang while I get a drink, and we make a little small talk. But my hands are now numb, my whole body is drenched in sweat, and my mouth is so dry. I work up the courage to say “this is really embarrassing, but I am feeling like I have a panic attack coming on.”

Sandy was so sweet, she walked outside with me, she talked and tried to calm me down. It was honestly nice because we actually got to chat like I had hoped, except my brain was going absolutely haywire and I was sweatier than a McPoyle. Eventually I wave the white flag and say I’m gonna head home.

Have not heard from Sandy, nor do I expect to. They seem very socially comfortable, and I just don’t get a lot of that type of exposure because of a weird work schedule, as well as being in a new part of the country and not having many friends here. The one thing that gives me a little solace is that I’m not sure our collective lifestyles match up, and it’s possible it was never going to work anyway. But I really wanted it to work.

I’m now having a hard time with going from what felt like Euphoria to one of the absolute worst feelings of embarrassment, sadness, and shattered self-confidence. I felt like I had finally reached a point where I felt desirable, and now I feel like I’m at square one. I am also moderately jealous that my wife gets to go have fun interactions but I feel like it’s now never going to happen for me.

TL;DR Met an ideal couple/situation for first date outside my marriage after years of looking. Had a panic attack, feel like I blew it, and took more than a few steps back.