I think I am monogamous. At least in the sense that I don't want anyone other than my partner. I used to be curious but that has passed; he fills my heart and my sexual cup (this man is feral for me). I am a 32F and this world is not friendly to my scenario, part of my hesitation is safety, other is body image issues and anything left over is logistics.

My partner does things on his own and I'm okay with it in most situations. Recently we've run into a few where the way I react isn't great but it turns out we may just have needed more communication and I need to sort my own thoughts/issues.

He feels bad that I don't do anything sexual on my own, as if this were one sided, but I really don't think I want to. I'd rather be comfy at home doing something wholesome like walking my dogs or making art or playing video games/a sport. I want to fill that time with something for me that feels good, not forcibly trying to hunt down/coordinate a sexual experience. I don't think I want or need that.

Part of why we started being physically open (we are romantically monogamous) was because his curiosity and drive for adventure/new experiences are very high and there are sometimes sexual things that I don't wanna do (I can't always match his energy/freak).

I do think our combination of mono/poly is a good set up as he is very happy and our relationship is the healthiest it's been in almost 11yrs, I just have a few knots in the hose (my brain) before it hits its stride again.

Can anyone weigh in on their experiences with this?