The experience of people dating men vs women is very different. I am positive you could improve your profile because most men's profiles are bad. Most women's too.

But here is my experience. I'm a woman dating women. Here is a summary of my last 12ish months trying to date. I have been sometimes very active on apps and other times busy with work. I took a step back a months ago due to fatigue.

One year summary:

• More matches and conversations than I can remember - like sooooo many that went nowhere
• 6 dates made (two of those women cancelled a few times and dates never happened)
• 4 dates actually happened. One was very bad. One was meh (she wasn't into me, but I was kind of into her). Two were good.

Of the two good dates:

• Had sex with one woman on second date, and she then ghosted after a few cancelled dates so never made it past date # 2. My partners mom died in there too so was just a rough time to connect with someone.
• Started dating someone regularly and took a pause due to fatigue and social overload. But it took a year to find this woman.

It takes time. And patience. Even for those who are experienced at ENM dating.

There are things you can do to increase your success rate online, but I'm not sure it'd be worth the time for you specifically.

Online dating is very feast-and-famine for the whole class of guys dating women; the latter realize they're vastly outnumbered, and can afford to be as picky as they'd like without substantially impairing their success. That also happens in monogamous dating, but the fact that men aren't necessarily taken out of the dating pool after they find a partner means that lots of women end up choosing the 15-20% most desirable men and leaving the others (relatively) in the dust.

If you can compete in the kind of environment and land in that bracket, more power to you. That being said, most men have an unrealistic picture of how attractive they are to the people they want to date, especially when we've had a spouse telling us we're the sexiest person on the planet. I'm sure that's true for them, but it's probably not the truth for anyone else.

Given the above, you're probably better off devoting less time to apps and more time to getting in touch with your local NM community. FetLife is usually a good place to make contacts and get in the door. Once people can see those qualities that are impossible to convey in an online profile, you'll probably do a lot better.

But you need to keep in mind that your wife will always attract more attention than you. If you can't handle that fact, you're in for a bad time. Dating men in this lifestyle is a superpower, regardless of what your gender/sexual orientation might be 🤷‍♂️

It sounds like you're using the wrong apps. Tinder, bumble are terrible for finding a match. The lifestyle / ENM specific ones will really vary by region: in some areas Kasidie is good, others FetLife (more kink), SDC in others, Feeld in others. Ok cupid surprisingly isn't bad because it lets you 1) filter out profiles that say they're only looking for monogamy 2) do an intro, which can really help you stand out. But you would need a pretty good ENM scene in your area.

Practical advice for profile: you will do much better if you have something that sets you a part (anything from you practice shibari or speak multiple languages), you make it clear you're looking for more than NSA sex & are emotionally available (basically feelings are allowed), & if you have a dog work that into your profile pics & have good photos with good lighting & angles that highlight good features. Make sure to have face & body pics.

Also sex clubs, resorts, meet-ups and parties that allow solo men (it is better if you're both comfortable going with your primary even if you 2 find separate play is your jam) are much better ways to meet women as a solo man. Kasidie you will get lots of invites try to join and find hot-wife communities within Kasidie and through Google too.

Another piece of advice your wife will likely always get 100 matches to your 1, but once you do form a connection it's likely to stick, while your wife will likely have lots of trouble getting connections to stick (they'll say the right things & then ghost after sex). So just know there isn't a silver bullet.