I (M) am new to poly and have been seeing a partner (F) who is married and they are ENM. My partner wants to stop using condoms with both her husband and I. I'm not that concerned with fluid bonding since dhe's not seeing anyone else and neither is her husband. Since she nests with her husband and has a high sex drive, it's not uncommon that when we get together she's already had sex the evening before. What are the chances I'm going to get her husband's cum in my mouth if I eat her out (while simultaneously fingering her) within 12 hours of him cumming inside her? Is this a practical and valid concern? Would it be unreasonable if I didn't want to eat her out within those 24h? How should I handle this sensitively?
The chances of you tasting or ingesting a significant amount of semen is highly unlikely unless it's right after. She has vaginal mucus and discharge down there... that's okay to put your mouth on,.. but microscopic amounts of semen is a hard limit for you?
Are you worried it will make you think you are bisexual or gay?
Sounds like you are making a bunch of unnecessary conditions that will lead the couple dropping you. Nobody needs or wants that drama. She's going to take it as you don't want to eat her out because she fucked her husband. She is going to keep fucking him. The only reason a wife makes her husband wear condoms is if she is having sex with someone and is waiting for test results to come back for the lover. It's to protect him more than anything.
Also, I bet you dimes to donuts she's already barebacking her husband. That's not going to stop. I have eaten married pussy a bunch - never worried about sperm in my mouth. It's not that big a deal. Unless they are freshly fucked you aren't going to notice a thing.
I'm just going to say that he's probably not going to want to give up barebacking his wife. They are ENM. Her first and primary obligation is to her husband only. You're a lover on the side, a friend with benefits. Nothing wrong with that (that's what I am to my current GF). But just be aware that they are probably going to tell you - fine, don't eat her pussy or put your cock in her. Because I am going to keep fucking her whenever I like. Good luck finding a 24 hour window where we haven't had sex.
Either step up to the challenge at hand or bow out. It's his wife, he's willing to share her. Be happy you are getting some action with someone you like. You can have that convo suggested about "her letting you know if he came in her" but she's likely not going to tell you the truth amigo. You'll literally never know and she's not going to pass up on oral sex to overcome your psychological issue.
Good luck.
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Thank you for saying this... You are exactly correct. Hope he listens to reason. He sounds young and inexperienced. Of all the things to worry about, this is his least concern.
If he brings this up, I am betting she'll do exactly as you would. Nobody tells the woman what she can and can't do with her own husband. That's up to her and him. He's a guest in their relationship. And sure he might become a full FWB kind of thing. But even then, the third never gets to dictate stuff like that. More importantly they should never ask.
They are in a closed ENM with him being the outside participant. He doesn't get to know anything other than who the players are and ask for STI test results and exclusivity expectations before going bareback. If he's smart he'll ask about what birth control she is going to be using. Nothing ruins a FWB like pregnancy scares and not knowing who the daddy is.
Setting conditions that border on obsessive compulsive? Nah... fuck that. I wonder if he understands that she'll move to the next guy in line? NEXT! (Oh and there is almost ALWAYS a line waiting for a chance with her).