I identify as a ENM person and I am romantically attracted men.

After my last poly relationship, I struggled finding a partner who is also into ENM. My last partner was very understanding and was free to date whoever they wanted while we were together. I rather have an open relationship from the beginning, but I realized most ENM relationships began monogamously. I’m struggling to BE monogamous.

The dating apps are overwhelming. I got tons of likes and matches. However, those I tend to match with men who are monogamous. At times monogamy isn’t stated in their profile, so I don’t know unless I bring up ENM. Right now, I feel stuck because a few of my monogamous matches really like me and I just want to tell them my truth. I’m actively dating multiple people, I have awesome friends with benefits (other ENM folks in relationships), I’m into kink, I don’t see myself losing any of them or what I like.

I tried to follow monogamous dating social norms to try to fit in and find someone. I just can’t relate, it’s becoming hard for me to try to conform. I would like a nesting partner, but not be totally enmeshed with them sexually or romantically. I will be okay with us exploring kinks, having other partners (I also need a lot of alone time), and I’m okay with not being married.

I’m just a bit stuck in my dating life. A part of me is feeling like I’m putting up a facade just to find a partner. I also feel like living in my truth would make men believe that I’m unfaithful, a “hoe” or just want sex. That has happened before and I still struggle with being seen as promiscuous and too sexual.

I’m just venting here. If you have any advice please share.