Trying to figure out what just happened here.

A few weeks ago, my nesting partner Rob(35M) connected with Mary(31F) on a dating app. She said she was poly. They start texting, and they have a lot of similarities, so of course the texting progresses into texting daily.

Rob asks Mary if she'd like to meet. Mary says yes. The day of the meetup, we get hit with a heatwave that still hasn't left. It's anywhere from 90-100F daily, along with humidity anywhere from 80-95%.

So the day of the meetup, Mary says she can't make it, because the heat affects her very badly and she feels sick. My partner agrees. The second time they try to reschedule, the heat wave is still on, and Mary apologizes and cancels again.

A few days after that, Mary confesses that she wants a primary partner, not a secondary partner. She wants to find someone she can marry. Rob says okay, he understands, and if Mary is okay with it, they can just be friends. He also says he also wouldn't be against keeping in touch so that if she finds a primary partner and is still interested in trying to date after that, they can try then.

Last week, Mary asks Rob if he wants to hang out. Rob says sure.

He and Mary go out for ice cream to a really good spot. They hung out for about two, maybe three, hours. When I asked him if it was a date or had turned into a date, he said no, Mary had been very clear that she was seeking a primary partner, and the day out was platonic and they just hugged at the end of it. She even said that, 'I'm looking for someone I can marry, and you can't marry two people.'

Last night- two days after the ice cream hangout- Rob and I are hanging out in bed, watching Youtube, and sending VM's between us and my other partner. I see Rob get quiet and start staring at his phone.

Rob says Mary just texted him a block of text and he was completely exasperated by it. She was angry that Rob 'hadn't spoken with her in two days since they went out.' Now mind you, their texting has been pretty consistent the entire time, but the last two days, we got really wrapped up in life stuff. And also, they aren't dating. So Rob apologizes for not texting for two days, then explains why:

My job has scheduled me for nearly every day in July. When the last assistant manager left, he'd approved July vacations, and the new assistant manager didn't check before approving more, and then the new assistant manager left on his OWN vacation for a week before wondering how the leftover full-time employees were going to get through it.

I was scheduled for 4 days on, 1 day off, 12 days on, 1 day off, and then several more days on, so that I work nearly the entire month of July. I have a neurological disorder where, when overworked and tired, I start slurring my speech, get sensory overload, lose fine motor function, and it gets much harder to eat, sleep, and function. Rob works four 12 hour shifts a week, then has 3 days off in a row every week. He offered to take care of the housework and cooking in entirety this month. The two days he didn't text her, I was with my other partner, so Rob detached himself from his phone and just hung out in the air conditioning while cleaning, playing video games, taking care of the garden, etc.

She sends back texts akin to, 'I KNEW this would happen. Clearly HER feelings ARE more important than MINE.'

Rob is already feeling disconnected from this match at this point. He's exasperated, frustrated, and tired. I ask him some clarification questions. Did she interpret the ice cream as a date? Did anything happen that could have led Mary to believe the friendship would indeed go toward intimacy? He said no, she told him several times she didn't want to date him because he already had a primary partner, and again, 'you can't marry two people.'

She then texts him that she has been 'crying herself to sleep every night.'

Rob responds, 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you were upset. But you need to communicate to me how you're feeling.'

She responds, 'Well you never bother to ask how I'm feeling.'

So... what the hell? Is this just a case of attempted cowgirling? A misunderstanding? Different expectations?