In my first longer term non monog relationship with someone and really it’s like any other relationship monog or non where there are lots of challenges and ups and downs. But the difference in this is how much both of us put effort into trying to understand where the other person is coming from in terms of perspective and finding balance between our own wants and needs and the wants and needs of the other person.

We have really different views sometimes on what does or doesn’t count as time with other partners and huge differences between what each of us need to navigate non monogamy; him being particularly emotionally impacted by change, surprises or uncertainty and me being more blaze and less concerned.

As any couple no one is immune to disagreements or over heated conversations, but I’ve noticed that after an emotionally fueled chat or an argument we always take the time to express love and care and show compassion for the other.
We also do a lot of reflective discussion which ultimately brings us closer in terms of knowing where thoughts feelings, insecurities or frustrations come from. And this now goes beyond the aspect of non monogamy but feels embedded in all areas of the relationship.

We can’t undo the past traumas or emotional relationship scars that each of us are carrying or undo the insecurities that we have that stuff takes years and years of emotional healing, but we’re getting so good at listening to one another and finding ways to demonstrate and express our love and appreciation for each other and to care for and enjoy the time we spend together which does help to challenge the negative narratives either of us have about ourselves and relationships.

We are also really getting good at doing cute fun couple things together and I guess prioritising our relationship.

It’s not easy and sometimes he does or says things that hurt or I’ll be thoughtless or not as considerate as I could be, but fundamentally we have a relationship that is built on mutual respect, adoration and communication and are both committed to working towards a common goal and actually putting in effort in tangible ways.

It feels really good.

Sharing this cos I know non monogamy gets a bad wrap sometimes, even in places like this when a couple is having a tough moment or trying to get perspective on a difficult or complex situation people sometimes seem to be quick to question if the person posting should be in a non monogamous relationship or if their partner should or shouldn’t.

I also know that often we come here posting about the tricky or complicated bits looking for advice and that’s so important and helpful but at a glance to a newbie (which I was not too long ago) coming to places like this to better understand things reading soo many tough posts non monogamy can look like the bin fire all my monogamous friends feared (and warned me) it would be.

Anyways this is a shout out to newbies and people navigating the tougher parts of their enm experience, sending you love and hugs…

communication and compassion and and deep reflection and appreciation for yourself and your partner/s helps so much. And just enjoying things along the way.

And to those who are doing well and are getting their needs met I wanna hear more about it… it’ll help me when I’m second guessing or struggling next time.

🥰