First off I will share that my partner (27 F) and I (25 F) have been dating for 4 years this coming august. We decided to open our relationship a year in and bring other women into the bed. This meant strictly threesomes only and never even considered a polyamorous relationship. For the longest time, I felt our sex life together was a little vanilla, or almost non existent. We were having sex every couple of weeks and we rarely spent the time exploring kinks etc. I have always made it known to her that I would like for us to be more sexually intimate but at this time, my gf was gaining weight and felt her confidence was less and less. Us having threesomes helped spice things up I feel. For awhile we stopped having threesomes altogether and only recently did we meet someone (AFAB) who we really enjoyed not only spending time with, but enjoyed having sex with too. They are extremely clingy, would reach out to us on a daily and spent a lot of time hanging out with us. It became all so complicated when real feelings were being developed for them (from both my partner and I). At this time I felt very jealous, as my gf was becoming so dominant in bed and even expressed to me that she is liking the whole dom sub dynamic. This is not new to me as I’ve known she liked to be dom in bed but again, she wasn’t really exploring that more with me. It got to a point where I was getting in my head and I mentally was going downhill. I couldn’t help the feelings that she wanted this more than she ever had with me. Eventually I came to the conclusion that we needed a break from this so that I could solidify my long term relationship and help her explore her kinks and desires with me specifically. In this time my gf was struggling mentally- took sick leave from work and overall was very unavailable in sense. She had struggled a lot with anxiety and a depressive episode. Anyway, I was always thinking about this girl we had shared a great connection with and expressed that I would love to reach out to them to see how they’re doing. When I ended up doing that, they asked if they would like for us to be invited to some pride plans. When I brought this up to my gf, she was very unsure and expressed that she was trying to forget this person even existed. I might add that during my time of jealously, I became very bitter towards my gf. I would find many things to be insecure about and would express that to her. I think it got to a point where she was overall just very fearful of hurting me and that’s exactly why she was on the fence about opening this all back up again. We eventually came to the conclusion that we will try again, but move at a slower pace with more boundaries so that we can both feel secure. It was never the plan to have sex when we hung out again for the first time in weeks, but we did after a drunk night out for pride. Everything again started happening so fast. The feelings we all had for each other came back and we spent all of pride weekend together, with them staying over our place daily. After that weekend, I was feeling good. No feelings of jealously or insecurity, and if there was, I was able to deal with it. My gf on the other hand, was extremely in her head. She wasn’t opening up to me and would have constant breakdowns. It got to a point where she finally opened up about her basically enjoying the sexually intimacy between her and this girl more than she has with us- and also really enjoying this persons energy more than mine . I guess it was weighing on her so much and she felt extremely guilty. At this time I was very level headed and although it killed me inside to hear that, I supported her. I told her that I want to be that for her and that I’ve been trying to fulfill l her needs for all these years. I got her to tell me what she liked and what I could do for her enjoyment. For reference, this person is the type to be extremely submissive, and also using the word daddy a lot (which I have too). I guess overall it was how feminine, sub, and her ability to foreplay in the most confident ways that my gf loved. I told her that I am willing to do anything she wanted me to as that’s always been our kind of relationship. That night, I did my best to do all that for her and I must admit, I was trying to be this girl in that moment. She seemed to have really enjoyed it and from there I felt things would be okay, as long as we could keep this up. We continued seeing this person and it continued to be fun. It got to a point where they actually came out and expressed that sometimes it’s so hard to see us loving each other and how they want to be part of our relationship, not just a third. Again, we both have feelings for this person so this was nice to hear and was exciting to think about. We spent hours one night talking about feelings and at this time I shared things like :

• The thought of a throuple has crossed my mind so many times but I get jealous of the thought of you two sharing a different and separate connection that I’m not part of
• I worry about the dom sub dynamic being a constant thing in our sex life
• I feel icky thinking you guys will always be dom sub for each other. What if there’s days I want to be dominate to the two of you
• there are moments where I want to be alone with (new partner) but that thought makes me feel so guilty inside and how can I want that when I won’t allow (long term partner) to

I must also share that I have really valued private moments that me and this person have shared, that didn’t involve my partner (hence the last point).

Ugh I feel like I’m rambling and I’m not getting to a point. But all I’m saying is I really like this girl, want more intimate moments with her but don’t want that for them because of how much they might enjoy it (especially my partner). During this long talk I said it feels shitty right now because everything is so exciting when she’s around but when it’s just my partner and I, it’s real and there’s real life obstacles we deal with - so it’s not all so happy and exciting ( we live together by the way). I just can’t get out of my head about this. I want to be dom enough for this girl, I want to be sub enough for my gf to still desire me, I want this girl to see me as more than a caring and cute person, I want her to see me as she sees my gf (I can be very shy). I feel so jealous, insecure, I feel like the the one watching them form something bigger in some aspects. Idk. Help me this is all so new and idk how to navigate it. At this moment I want this girl in our life and feel there will be something missing without her.

Thanks for any input