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Is there anyone else who is in a lifelong relationship with someone they see as their soulmate and satisfies them in every way and they match on what they enjoy and what they want from life, but they're just not compatible sexually?
I have this with my wife, we're perfect for each other in all these ways and we're also sexually attracted to each other but the sex just doesn't work. We want different things and I feel under pressure to give her what she wants in bed, which I know is important, but what she wants doesn't do anything for me. So it has put me off pursuing it because we both just get frustrated. Our turn ons are totally different even though we find each other sexually attractive. The sex has dwindled in recent years because of this and she is getting really upset and frustrated because she needs sex for mental health. I also feel like I generally have a low sex drive compared to her.
We're deciding at the moment between starting an open relationship where we put each other first and spend our life with each other, but we get sexual intimacy and pleasure elsewhere, or deciding to go our separate ways. We might love the other person but they aren't put first, I know my wife needs to feel intimacy and love and connection to have sex.
I feel like going for the open relationship option, I don't want to lose my soulmate over the physical stuff when everything else is perfect, and Im also quite open minded when it comes to relationships, you can find happiness in lots of different ways and everyone is different. Im just curious if anyone else shares my experience.
Most people want their primary partner to be at least somewhat sexually compatible. So this is unlikely to work. When each of you finds sexually and romantically compatible partners, its going to be hard to want to maintain your marriage as is. You may indeed choose to keep cohabitating or raising kids. But the marriage you have now will be completely over and replaced with something entirely different and new. Just be prepared for that.
Practically speaking, the vast majority of folks require sex for a functional romantic relationship. Â For every marriage in which outsourcing sex might work, there are likely hundreds where doing so will turn it into a dumpster fire.
I’ve seen this work, but for every one time it has, there are dozens I’ve seen where it wrecks everything.  The odds are real bad for OP here.
..............if there's not a lot of sexual compatibility between you and your spouse, I'd challenge your assertion that you folks are perfect for each other. You're obviously not meeting some basic, important needs if the sex between you two isn't great.
I see people here saying that opening up the relationship could be helpful, but for every couple that helps, there are dozens that opening up destroys. Sex is a powerful intimacy-building tool, and it's basically guaranteed that when your wife finds a regular partner with a sex drive that is more compatible with hers, your relationship with her will be harmed. Fucking other people on the side while having a good sexual relationship with a spouse is one thing; outsourcing physical intimacy entirely to another person is a much more drastic step that will fundamentally change things between you and wifey. That's even more so with you folks since you confirmed that she can't have sex without love and connection with her partner.
I think you two need to work on your sexual intimacy or just admit that the dysfunction there might make a continuing relationship infeasible. What you're talking about will almost certainly lead to a divorce, anyways.
A relationship where the sex is dysfunctional isn't great for most people.
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No. Its absolutely not. I'm not sure you even know what swinging is.
Lol. I've been swinging off and on for decades. Its super rare to not be compatible with your spouse. Swingers play together and are hot as fuck for each other. Its a group activity and often a complement to super hot sex life. Many swingers feel that coming back together and fucking each other is the hottest part.
Many couples are only interested in other couples that have hot chemistry with each other. Thats part of what makes swingers appealing to each other.
Not even slightly correct.
Swingers almost always use sex with others as a supplement to a fulfilling sex life themselves. Solo dating and the kind of disentanglement you're talking about are actually frowned on by most people in that paradigm.