Howdy folks! My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In the very beginning we had a sort of loose “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. Over time my mental health started to decline, and I started feeling cripplingly insecure and ended that which he took like a champ.

Flash forward to about a year ago, he came outright and asked “how would you feel if I had another girlfriend?” and it was pretty much the only time I had ever been truly mad at him. He again, took this like a champ and we moved forward and never spoke of the question again.

We’ve always wanted to include a third sexually, but finding a unicorn is hard. We’ve discussed going to sex clubs, but haven’t had the right moment. Recently, he’s been expressing displeasure with both of these things.

My mental health is on a sharp incline now as opposed to the steady decline it’s been on, and I’ve been mulling over last summer’s question. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really care. Previously I was in a space where I felt unlovable and was aware that my partner is a catch and figured someone gorgeous & mentally stable would run into his arms and they’d fly off into the sunset together and I, the troll under the bridge, would be left haggard and alone for all my days. That’s not the case any longer (thank you therapy and medication!). Plus, I love him dearly and I know I would be lucky to love him in any capacity I’m able to for the rest of my life (even if that’s just platonically).

SO all that said, my question to y’all is how do I tell him and get this ball rolling? My fear is that if I just come out with it he’ll think I’ve been cheating and am just trying to absolve myself of my sins. But it’s summer and I want us both to have a Hot Person summer if possible so I don't want to waste time. Is there a subtle but straight to the point way to tell your partner you want to be nonmonagmous?