Okay so, I think I am coming here just to ease my mind I guess. I found the subreddit and I think this is the only place i could talk about it in a safe space.
So, my husband (we are living together but will legally marry next month!!!! So excited!!!!) is poly and he had always been very clear about this to me and we even tried non monogamy (not just sex but the whole relationship pack) for a while. I had a relationship with a couple (theyâre love bombing assholes long story short they were awful to me and treated me like a sex toy) and he was in a relationship (?) kinda with a friend of his. So this is where the issue start. This friend of him is a questionable person, who was triggering him a lot of suicidal ideas and was (apparently, I wonât say for sure bc I canât be sure about it since i am not him) apparently trying to âstealâ all my husband attention to himself. Like if he was on a date with me, this person would get suicidal and he had to run to stay with the person and as soon as he got there he would be fine. We had a fight about it, he apologized for not being aware of it and we closed the relationship.
The thing is, I always think about what he is missing by staying with me. He had told me that if we never open the relationship again he would still be fully happy, and if he ever fall in love we can sit and decide what to do from there but the thing is: what if I donât ever decided to try non monogamy (that honestly was nice for me, but I would also constantly have panic attacks and my life was already pretty fucked up and idk if u want to find one more uncomfortable thing to solve in life specially in a place , the relationship, where I feel safe in)
Idk if this make sense, idk what I am expecting from this post. I think I am just truly afraid this would , on the future,cost me this relationship I cherish so much. Is any of you guys poly in a mono relationship? Are you truly happy?
Thanks for listening if anyone get until here.
People aren't polyamorous, relationships are. Polyamory and monogamy describe agreements between people. There are other agreements as well. Descriptors of relationship agreements describe a moment in time (like the temperature, time of day or your age). Sometimes more than one style applies to a relationship at one time. Ex: Some people in poly relationships also swing with one or more of their partners.
Every human being who experiences sexual and/or romantic can and (at some point in their lives) will feel it for more than one person at a time. That's just being human and not in any way related to whether your relationship is agreed to be polyamorous or monogamous.
Monogamy is simply an agreement not to act on these feelings. It exists and requires active opt/in and agreement because being in a relationship doesn't stop sexual and romantic attraction to others. If it wasnt common, expected, and normal to be attracted to others while in a relationship, no one would have to promise monogamy (an agreement not to act on those feelings).
Polyamory is also something you agree to and do
Its a relationship structure that allows everyone to have multiple romantic/sexual partners.
You have both currently agreed to monogamy. There are other agreements possible for you. Polyamory, swinging, open for sex only, open for sex workers, etc.
If onenof you only wants monogamy and one of you only wants something else, that's a serious incompatibility. You have e to make an agreement that each of you is happy with longterm.
Is he happy to do monogamy forever?
Personally, I'd be incredibly bothered. He is broadcasting to the world that he is in a polyamorous relationship and, therefore, not monogamous and available for sex and romance outside your marriage. How do you feel about everyone assuming he is not monogamous with you?
Its worth a discussion on the optics.
Subreddit
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- 2 months ago
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- reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy...
You do have to trust him.
And you guys should research other flavors of non-monogamy together and keep discussing your values regarding sexual and romantic exclusivity. Polyamory and monogamy are two of a million valid ways to structure a religion. Good luck!!