I’m going to try and compress this as much as I can. I feel like most of this needs to be said so that you can understand the build up and why I fell.

I (M) am in an open relationship with my husband. We’ve been like this for about 5 years with rarely any issues. In Jan I met a guy named David. David is also in an open relationship with his husband and our husbands had their own fun together before we did. David and I chatted every few days for about a month till we finally met in mid January. I went over to their place while his husband worked his night shift. I spent about 7 hours there. We talked and talked and talked which lead to cuddling and eventually sex. It was crazy how well we clicked and we both really enjoyed ourselves. We both had a hard time of letting go of each other when it was time to leave with him saying I should just spend the night. I left anyway.

David and I continued to chat every few days and now our husbands were pushing for the four of us to hang out. Sex was not an expectation as David isn’t a huge fan of group stuff which was totally fine. We spent the night at their place, had drinks, good food and went out to a bar later in the night. Once David and I were alone I got bold and told him I couldn’t wait for him to fuck me again. He said that I need to come over again and I said you need to invite me again. On the can ride back to their place, David and I sat in the far back of the van. He intensely looked at me. Like that typical “I’m falling for you” look you see in movies. I couldn’t look away. He grabbed my hand and smiled at me and didn’t let go. We held hands the entire ride back to their place.

At this point it’s mid February and I’m having mad feelings for this guy. He’s all I can think about and all I want to do is talk to him. I realized I obviously couldn’t do that given the circumstances so I stayed quiet. Our husbands planned a visit to our place overnight (we live about an hour away from each other). They came over about two weeks after we were at their place. Again, great time and I was genuinely excited to see both of them but especially David. The four of us went to a bar together and when we got back David went downstairs to the guest bed to grab something and I decided to take my contacts off. I realized I left my case in the guest bathroom so I went down to grab them. David was in the bedroom and we made eye contact. He excitedly came towards and whispered “what are you doing?!” I said I was grabbing something. We made eye contact and kissed each other right away. I smirked and said “you still haven’t invited me over” and he said he’s working on it. I go back upstairs and he joins a few minutes later. When we all went to bed I told my husband that we kissed. He told me he and David’s husband did the same.

The next morning I got Instagram messages from David’s husband. He was being pretty sexual with me and included a picture of himself in the guest bathroom downstairs. I told my husband what he sent me and my husband told me that he told David’s husband that we kissed when we’re downstairs. Apparently David’s husband had already asked him if we did anything and David said no.

Once we’re all awake and together I can just feel that the vibe is off. David is quiet and almost seems like he’s forcing a conversation and looks like he wants to leave. We made breakfast and shortly after the pair packed and left. I asked my husband if he felt like something was off, he agreed but we both said we won’t sweat it. We didn’t hear anything from either of them for a while. We both decide to just leave it and not push.

About a month passes and my husband receives a random message from David’s husband. He asked how he was doing, the typical small chat. He then put their conversation in vanish mode (Instagram) and acknowledged that something happened between him and David and that he apologizes for things getting weird. I have my suspicions that David got mad at his husband for messaging me because from what I had heard, he likes to have his own playmates and maybe he felt like he was stealing me from him. I also feel like his husband got upset with him for not telling the truth about kissing me. I could be wrong but I feel like those scenarios might play into what happened. Their conversation was good, and ended naturally. They both haven’t spoke to each other since and this was in April.

I decided to message David in mid March after it had been a month since we last spoke to each other. He took 6 hours to respond to me but I could see he was online on Grindr multiple times. He finally answers and asks how I am, etc. I reply. He takes another few hours to respond. I had asked how their trip to ski resort was and he said that he wishes they went somewhere warm. I knew they were going to Hawaii soon so I said “I feel that! At least you’ll be going to Hawaii soon so that’s something to look forward to!”. Left me on delivered for 20 hours and then on read. For me personally I feel like that’s something he could’ve replied to or at least acknowledged by liking the message. My stomach dropped though.

I had been thinking about this guy all day every day. Wondering if he felt the same way about me. I also questioned why he held my hand. What did it all mean?! But then I also felt guilty for having feeling for someone else. I also wondered if David flat out hated me. I just wanted answers and I still do. I can’t talk to anyone about it for obvious reasons so this all feels very isolating.

In May I started to feel myself moving on. I didn’t think about him as much nor did stalk him on social media as often. I still don’t. I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about him every day still but it’s not consuming me like it used to. I read about limerence and it seems to be pretty on par with what I’ve gone through but I do feel like I need a bit more advice from people with lived experience.

I decided that I wouldn’t reach out to him again because being left on read is humbling. Part of me feels like our ship has sailed. I don’t even think the four of us will be friends but sometimes I do feel like it’s still a possibility. The four of still follow each other on social media. I feel like if it was THAT bad then they would’ve unfollowed.

We met six months ago and I’ve been thinking about him every single day since our first hangout. I think I just need to accept that I’ll just never know if he felt the same way or what transpired the night they were at our house. I just find it so fucking hard to move on because of the “what if”.

Any advice?