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Let me for context also explain that in the past, when Iāve not had a partner, Iāve been expected to meet every one of his partners and also provide 3 somes. Iāve since told him that this is targeted homophobia against my bisexuality and I no longer wish to meet any of his partners anymore for fear of these types of expectations. If I donāt want to automatically jump into bed with them it has been SO MUCH DRAMA with them. Like theyāre angry at me for not fucking them. He took a year off dating and has since been in therapy for sex addiction.
I have a bf that Iām very happy with, weāre stable and donāt wish to include outside partners nor date other people. Husband recently started dating someone who has never actually practiced ENM, and seems to be fixated on the idea of KTP and meeting me and my bf specifically in person. I told husband Iāll meet her over the phone, and my bf will be kept out of it. This made my husband give me a huge attitude over it, then he eventually said that him and his gf agreed to just forget meeting since itās not in person.
It just seems like a huge setup like they want me/us in person to try finagle some group sex. The gf apparently lost her shit when she saw a picture of me and freaked out because Iām really beautiful (her words). I donāt want KTP forced on me/my bf and honestly I donāt want us all to meet ever. I find that boundaries are healthy to have when practicing ENM.
Iām not against it, and ultimately I wouldnāt blame ENM for divorcing either.
Ugh thank you. Confirmation and vindication š
No worries. Weāve been doing ENM for a number of years and it exposed me to a side of him that I didnāt know existed, but was important information (like untreated sex addiction). Would love to see him use what heās learned in therapy in a real world situation like this, and practice firm boundaries.
This is a good point actually. Is she pestering to meet, or is he claiming soš¤
Ugh thank you. Confirmation and vindication š
No worries. Weāve been doing ENM for a number of years and it exposed me to a side of him that I didnāt know existed, but was important information (like untreated sex addiction). Would love to see him use what heās learned in therapy in a real world situation like this, and practice firm boundaries.
No worries. Weāve been doing ENM for a number of years and it exposed me to a side of him that I didnāt know existed, but was important information (like untreated sex addiction). Would love to see him use what heās learned in therapy in a real world situation like this, and practice firm boundaries.
This is a good take! I appreciate what you said about my bf dating/not dating. Hes had some traumatic dating experiences and prefers to feel more āsafe and settledā with one partner, especially with his ND and anxiety. However in general, thatās always a possibility in ENM that a partner may or may not dateāŗļø
I would love to hear your experience and perspective on meeting metas, I assume these are more positive with better outcomes. Do you meet them because you are KTP?
Why am I still married? I donāt even know, thatās loaded but a fair question with a complicated answer. Weāve been married for 14 years and have seen trauma together, wrapped up finances, started a business. I dunno, not necessarily good reasons to stay but I guess itās just a lot to unwrap š
That kitchen table poly isn't my bag either. My girlfriend and my wife are social. I only date married women with their husbands enthusiastic consent. There is no "Let all do ktp and move in together and do a hippy kibutz style commune". She has zero desire to be with anyone else but me. She loves me seeing other women - it was her idea. But she draws the line with anything that mixes financial assets and obligations. We're not providing financial support for partners, nor forcing interaction.
The fact he's getting to get you to do this for selfish reasons and ignoring your boundaries is not what poly is about either. Being used for sex is horrible. Coercion is very unloving and abusive.
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All the finances and everything wrapped up together makes it so hardš Iām at least closing on a second (small) home thatās specifically for me, but gf has already started āplanningā to decorate my house and hang out there. Iāve already made it clear that this is just NEVER a possibility. KTP isnāt always the goal I feel, or at least I feel like sheās trying to do a sister wife thing? I dunno.