I met my partner a little over two years ago at a time when and I was involved with another woman. I was intentional about seeking other relationships and communicated this openly. I hadn’t yet discovered the concepts of EMN or CNM, but I was clear that I felt connected to this new thing ( for me) called polyamory. Needless to say we maintained a V structure of sorts for a few months until my original partner decided it wasn’t for her. At that time, I was asked by the remaining partner if I was going to pursue another non monogamous relationship. I knew from the beginning that she was ultimately looking for monogamy and marriage and we were just enjoying one another and the process of falling in love. I decided that I wanted her, monogamy, and what was to come. It was a conscious decision and I felt aligned even though I knew I had the capacity for polyamory. We moved in together a few months later. She moved to California from. Vegas, changed jobs, and experienced considerable depression as a result. This strained the relationship but we pursued therapy and continued to work towards loving one another and overcoming obstacles. At one point we were ring shopping and planning on engagement. This all was put on pause due to the instability of transition and my relationship status with former partners ( I am not in the habit of eliminating people from my life simple because our romance ends). Fast forward a year and the friction, arguments, and mis-alignment were at an unhealthy level in my opinion. We endured a few short breaks up -make up cycles and I decided to end things. In the process of moving out she disclosed a breast cancer diagnosis. Needless to say I felt horrible about recently ending the relationship and offered to be there to support her in anyway that I could regardless of our status. We continued the moving and re-settlement process during which time we had a very contentious dynamic mostly focused on my decision to end the relationship, my abandoning her, etc. Soon after moving into my place I began to see other women and developed some fulfilling and pleasurable relationships. My former partner questioned me about my situation and stated she needed my support but could not accept it if I were “engaging” with others regardless of our separated status. I agreed after some time to not pursue physical intimacy with these other women so that I could focus on supporting her during this difficult time. That was about one month ago and we have spent a lot of time together reconnecting minus sexual intimacy. This week I learned she expected me to cease all contact with these women. I told her as much as I love her and want to be there for her through her cancer journey that her boundaries were too much for me to accept. I tried monogamy with her. Maybe I could have tried harder. I’m 48. I know toxic when I see it and I feel that model of relating was just too restrictive. Neither of us was happy. I have decided to pursue CNM. She wants no part of it and extends it to my ability to support her. I am grieving the loss of the opportunity to lover her how I want to but I understand we all have our limits. Thanks for enduring the length of my thoughts.