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My wife and I just started an open marriage
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This is something we've talked about for years and isn't my issue. We both joined dating apps and I'll be the first to admit she is substantially more attractive then me. She had 1000 likes and started talking to as many people as she wanted within a day and has plans and forming connections. Me on the other hand now has 4 different dating apps (she looked over my bio and pictures and said she really likes it) I'm having no luck at all. The few people I'm connecting with seem uninterested, or simply boring. I'll have a small back and forth conversation and then nothing. I've tried to ask questions about them (if I'm being myself I'm asking questions) I've tried to flirt, and I've tried to be more aggressive. It has been two weeks and I have nothing but an overwhelming sadness for women that I'm not even all that interested in. I didn't think I'm specifically unattractive, through text I think I come off as confident. Any advice on meeting people in a ENM relationship? Any dating app advice? Is this everyone's experience?

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It's been two weeks, OP. That's not enough time for a married guy to find a woman partner who's interested in nonmonogamy.

The best thing you can do is get the fuck off the apps. Unless you're really attractive (like, model-level attractive) you're going to run headfirst into the fact that there are probably four or five times as many men on whatever app you're using versus women. That creates an enormous skew, and most average guys are going to get lost in the shuffle before they have a chance to show what makes them worthwhile from a dating perspective. People will try and sugar-coat this by saying that the matches you do get will be really great compared to your wife, but I've found that's bullshit, personally.

Start going to munches and meet-ups. Go to a party with your wife so the other women can see that you're already in a functional relationship. Once you get yourself ingrained into the local community of poly/NM folks, you'll have a social network that you can use to find dates much more effectively than with an app.

But you also need to be realistic and accept the fact that it will take you much longer to find something than your wife! You're a married dude, so chances are that a great deal of what makes you appealing from a romantic perspective is completely off the table for new partners. You need to make yourself appealing from their perspective, and for most guys who are partnered, that will take some work. Whether or not the work (and attendant timesuck) is worth it is up to you.

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7 months ago