Me (F34) and my ex-meta (F32) started dating our partner (M32) at the same time about a year ago.

Short version: All was good until January when my meta started blaming me for all of the problems in her relationship with our partner, who did a terrible job "protecting" our relationship from their struggles. He basically ended up being a viecha for her accusations and demands and when I refused to put up with it anymore and told him that they have to sort their stuff out without me, she first told him that she would dump him if he didn't end it with me - which he didn't. So he got dumped.

Two months later she revised it to that she didn't want any contact at all unless I agreed to her demands, so he got friend-dumped too. I've been asked very explicitly to go to hell. It can also be mentioned that I've met my ex-meta only once and our relationships were supposed to be parallel. So we basically don't know each other.

Me and my partner are now recovering from the turbulent spring. Normally I'm not a person with trust issues, but this spring with him bringing all of these demands to me, things that he didn't tell me and other weirdness has left me having a hard time trusting him.

Now my ex-meta has reached out to him and want to he friends even though she never wanted to see him again a month ago. He says that their relationship is over and that he was fed up with her behaviour in the end. But I feel super unsafe knowing they're talking again.

I know he valued their friendship before their relationship stopped working and she turned on me, and I'm open to him keeping that. But I feel like it's moving too fast. I've decided to trust him, because otherwise I could as well leave the relationship straight away.

But each time she has reached out during the past week I get thrown back to panic mode and think that it will start over again. I trust his intentions, but not that he can actually live up to his own standards.

Is it reasonable for me to ask him to not be in contact for a few months while we rebuild the trust in our relationship?

What else can I/we do to maneuver my trust issues? Are there any resources? Mindfulness doesn't work for me.