hello everyone!! my (26F) husband (29M) and i have been practicing enm for a few years now, but he is only open to other guys and i am only open to other girls.

basically this weekend i had my first experience hooking up with a girl and it was very lovely. we talked about the whole enm thing and told each other our boundaries and everything so we were going into this knowing what we wanted out of it. she is also partnered with another guy so it really helps calm the nerves in that aspect.

yesterday morning i just felt so anxious going home, and im confused as to why i feel this way. i dont have any romantic feelings for her, i didnt even feel too comfortable giving her cute random kisses/cuddling her. i literally have nothing to lose because i am married to the best person in the world. i guess i feel like in a way she'll find another girl because i wasnt good enough? i think this could also tie into my fear of rejection. this is supposed to feel fun and exciting to me but i just feel so weird and sad! i dont know what im really feeling.

if anyone has ever felt like this please let me know so i can process my emotions and make sense of it a bit better.