I'm a bisexual 32m who holds the core belief that human relationships aren't naturally monogamous. I may be autistic and I enjoy solitude very much. I don't feel lonely often even if I can spend long stretches of time with no communication or contact with other people. I enjoy nature, thinking, reading, walking, daydreaming and learning.

As a kid and teen I used to daydream of a passionate loving relationship. But that feeling has faded away starting from the age of 19 approximately.

I have never had a relationship in my life, never been on a date, never had sex, only one person in my life has ever told me they like me, but I didn't like them back. And yet I have never felt a very very strong urge to be in a relationship. But I do very very often wonder what it would be like, what I would be like, what they'd be like, and if I'm mature and stable enough for one where I don't harm my partner.

I have the perception that I wouldn't be able to stay with one person for a long time as I get easily bored or I lose interest in things after some time. I imagine that the most obvious course of action if I were ever to start dating is to understand that relationships aren't forever, my partner doesn't belong to me but I also don't belong to them, we are independent beings and the concept of a soulmate is a fabrication of mythological origins. This would lead me to behave in a way in which I don't depend on them in a deep way, in which I value my independence and basically not putting all my eggs in one basket. I would value the time I have with them, the experiences I've lived with them and that they've caused, the moments of beauty they've shown me and I would think and think and think about the meaning of this. And then when it ends I would move on. I would expect it to end at some point.

I don't understand the concept of needing to work for a relationship. Why would I try to artificially make this relationship happen? Why does it need to last? Why would I concentrate on dedication and patience when the passion and romance are gone? Other than doing it for the kids, which I don't plan to have ever at all, I don't understand it. I am not afraid to realise all the emotion, time and energy put into a relationship is futile. I don't want to just continue the relationship because I'm afraid all this time and energy would have been for naught

I am clearly inexperienced with dating and romantic relationships and I'm not sure if I have come to the conclusion that I couldn't be monogamous either because of how I feel internally regarding relationships or because of reasoning derived from watching broken marriages, cheating husbands and wives, the statistics of monogamy and questioning the matter of what makes a marriage/relationship "successful" and what putting in the work towards a relationship where romance and passion aren't there anymore even means.

That said I don't see myself "cheating". I just see myself moving on, perhaps quickly.

I have realised I have no good labels to refer to this type of behaviour of mine or my desires other than non monogamy which is rather ambiguous. I would like to learn more about non monogamy and other forms of relationships particularly as I don't identify too well with the polyamory labels as they seem to essentially have a permanent partner and go out with other people at the same time. I don't feel the need to have a permanent partner. And I also wouldn't classify the end of a relationship as a failure.

Does anyone else feel like I do? What do you call it? Where can I learn more? How can I stop feeling so inadequate? Are monogamous relationships the true, healthy, socially adequate form of relationship today? Am I wrong?