M/M couple in a relationship that’s been ENM for about two years. The pace has been pretty slow, mostly to accommodate my partner but for my benefit as well.

We don’t have a ton of experience with threesomes and a recent one has caused a rift. My partner wanted to be penetrated by someone else, and we met someone we’d be open to trying that with. This would be a first for us. I said I’d be okay with it but expressed my insecurities about something I feared. I was pretty explicit about it. My partner acknowledged and said it wouldn’t happen.

Anyway, that same day we have the threesome and exactly what I discussed happened. For a sort of extended period of time. Twice. I was very uncomfortable and had to disassociate. I thought of just stopping everything but I decided it was better not to.

I don’t want to sex shame my partner but I was pretty hurt. And he didn’t really offer any comfort when I expressed this. I told him that I wasn’t mad at him, just that I was hurt and didn’t enjoy it and needed to process things. I know people can get carried away in the moment. Most of our evening was spent in silence after the sex. It’s not that he doesn’t care. He’s just not good at empathy and communication. The next day, he expressed that he was actually bothered at my reaction. Which kind of made me more upset? Since he still hasn’t tried to understand my feelings.

I’m wondering if others had bad experiences and how you overcame them? I’m feeling a mix of angry and sad and untrusting. My partner didn’t really try to understand how I’m feeling so I feel very alone.