I've been seeing my dude for a little over 6 months. We started out as just a sex thing, discussed open dynamics on our first date and what that meant to us. We align in all respects. We quickly realized that this was more than just sex and we have a sweet and rare type of connection.

We've talked about jealousy and how it's normal and it happens. We have a DADT policy which works for us. But damned if I can't get over the jealousy. Sometimes I'm not sure if this is the right arrangement for me but then I know myself and I feel this same insecure way in monogamous relationships.

I also know that neither of us would be really happy if we were to close it. We would both feel stifled and confined. Relationships are hard no matter the dynamic is the conclusion I'm coming to.

It's not a constant feeling. I've gone the past few months without feeling anything but content and ok with the thought of him being with someone else. Then last week I just kind of went into an anxiety spiral for about an hour and since then I've had waves of discomfort.

I told him about my anxiety spiral. We have excellent communication and can talk about all these things. I just don't want beat a dead horse.

Maybe part of it is that I know he has been with others and I have not. I haven't felt the desire to have a fling with anyone. I'm satisfied with him. But I know eventually I will want someone else and the freedom to do that. I also love that he has the freedom to be with whom he wants.

Our agreement is that we don't form emotional attachment to others. Neither of us has the band width for that. So it's not even the fear of losing him like it was in the beginning.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. This isn't my first open relationship rodeo, but I've never liked and I suppose I can even say loved anyone as much while maintaining this arrangement.

Does it get easier?