In a hard spot here and feel the need to ramble.

I'm a mono male dom and my partner is a bipoly female sub

TLDR my poly sub wants to bareback and get creampied by a friend and I want them to use a condom. But I've been told I have no say in the matter because " it doesn't involve me "

We started dating 7 months ago , she (kinda) told me she was poly by asking if I get jealous easily. I'm fine with flirting and play dates so I said no not really. About a month later she asked me that because shes poly and leaning toward getting a GF which came down to me being kinda mad that she didnt tell me she was poly before and instead beat around the bush with the jealous question. But again if it's a sanctioned within an agreement, it's good. But I told her I wanted "us" to be more established before so.

Some months later she was being bratty because I wouldn't rub her feet and said shed find a dude to do it for her and I said something like, yeah if i'm okay with it. That got a little rough because " she can do what she wants" of course as dom and sub we have rules we agreed upon, this lead to a bratty back and forth with her, and her kinda conceding the point for the night.

Cut to today I get a message from her. "

I've been talking to *** more lately and there could be potential for a play date in July"

" i didn't want to spring it on you " ---which is fine, but we never had a discussion whether we felt were were established enough for this yet .--

Yeah but we didn't talk about it happening yet, so this will be swirling in my brain for a month.

" talk to your therapist , you knew this was gonna happen, its only a playdate , he knows about you, hes knows your #1" I love you soo much"

Gah emoitons, im overwhelmed .

" I get it. it has nothing to do with you or our relationship, dont think youre getting less."

on a practical sense does this mean, i'm gonna miss out time with you because your with him, that feels bad. ( we both have very busy schedules)

" i'm taking time off for your birthday too." heart react

obliviously I get all the love

"he's a caring friend not a boyfriend "( she was with him before me and he pushed her aside)

" he isnt going to steal me away"

not worried about him stealing your heart, but time with me.

"i get it "

Besides that, are you sticking to the rules.

" I havent really thought about that"

I have

" and your just bringing it up now?'

yeah its relevant , like playdates wear condoms.

" ive already been with him "

yeah but, has he been with anyone else

"you can have boundaries for yourself , but giving rules wont fly.

So why am i the dom if i cant make rules?

" i'm talking outside our dynamic "

Typical dom sets rules for playdate

" ya if its a playdate with the dynamic. I'm not having a playdate because you want to share me"

" you dont have say over my boundaries "

it's within our relationship, just cause I'm not there doesn't my it doesn't concern me.

" let me know what you think the rules should be "

I need to go stew for awhile and process. But condom at least.

-some time later

This situation is really making me feel powerless and bringing back old anxiety

" i understand, I am who I am."

" you have power over yourself, you have the illusion of power over me, the sub has the real power , i draw the lines and you color within them.

So mutual respect and pre talked about guidelines?

" a relationship is not about power"

Do i get to draw lines?

"No you don't "

This continues on and off for several hours and I talk to my mental health provider

it boils down to

I don't feel heard or respected

" you have no say in the matter "

I make concession like fine bareback but no creampie

" you dont make the rule "

whats does being your #1 and dom get me that's more than this dude? Can you at least ask for permission and let me feel like a dom?

" im done talking to you about this "

So there was agreed upon guidelines for playdates that she outright refusing to acknowledge and wont even comment I what I want for limits. Everything is just its happening and you have no say in the matter. I tell her I don't feel respected or heard at all, but its the same over and over. At one point she calls me an abuser for wanting her to use a condom . Shes currently giving me the silent treatment. My MHP said not to make concessions im not willing to make, but ive made some and she not budging.

Do I really have no say in her playdate just because shes poly? this makes no sense too me. She keeps saying it's not in our relationship and her and him don't have a relationship. But it's none of my business what they do. But she gave me the heads up that it was happening ....Mono Dom Poly Sub advice please