My primary partner and I have been together for half a year now, but we've known each other for about 3.5 years. We've always been close friends, and as our feelings for each other deepened, we decided to become a couple. Our relationship style is hierarchical non-monogamy; we are both polyamorous but chose this structure because it suits our lifestyles best.

I love him deeply and care a lot about our bond. However, my deep-rooted insecurities, combined with some painful events on his side, have made our interactions quite heavy over the past two months. I feel like we are stuck in a loop, and I am desperate to get out of it and return to the light-hearted times we had together.

It is unclear to me why things suddenly went downhill. My partner has always seen more other partners than I have from the start. He also sees more new people than I was used to from earlier non-monogamous relationships. I was initially OK with that, but things started to become more difficult for me over the last two months.

I noticed that I started to compare myself more to his other partners. When he proposed a 'date meets boudoir photoshoot' with a couple where the female was skinnier than me (for reference: I wear a size XS/S myself, but am shorter, which makes me look more curvy), I became so obsessed with my weight that I barely ate for a week. After he went on dates, I was so obsessed with being perfect and not making mistakes around him that the time we actually spent together became unenjoyable for both of us.

We had a long, difficult conversation this morning, during which he expressed doubts about our relationship. He asked me to consider whether I am with him because I want to be with him or if I'm just afraid to be alone and see him as the safest option for a primary partner. I understand his question. I am a 33-year-old woman who would like to start a family at some point. This relationship seems like my last chance to do so, which makes the idea of losing him even scarier. Losing him would mean not just losing a partner and an amazing friend, but also the chance of having a family. However, I am not with him just because I am scared of not finding anyone else. I love him very much. I love the way he thinks, the way we play music together, how he touches me, and how he inspires me with his unique perspective. He is the sweetest person ever.

But now it seems I have caused a self-fulfilling prophecy. He has doubts, and I have no idea how to prove him wrong. We have decided not to see each other until Friday. Texting is fine, but I am unsure if I should contact him right now. Telling him now that I am definitely with him for him might make it seem like I am not taking his question seriously. I am panicking. My self-worth is at rock bottom, and I feel like hurting myself. I have reached out to psychologists in my city for help, but there seems to be a waiting list everywhere. I don't know what to do. I just want to be with him, work on myself, and be the best partner I can be. But I feel so incredibly lost.

Can anyone offer advice on how to navigate this situation and work through my insecurities? How can I show him that I am committed to him for the right reasons and get back to the happier times we shared? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.