So for me(F30) my partner(M28), our safe sex agreements are that we don't use condoms between ourselves and use them with other people for PiV and PiA. No condoms for oral and no female condoms for FF sex

Last week we went to our first play party, it went nice, we got chatting with a woman and soon things were heating up. I was laying down on the matress, her on fours on top of me and bf enjoying her ass. It seemed like they were fucking and I got startled there for a moment asking: where did you get a condom from?? ! he clarified that he hasn't gotten a condom (they were inside our bag) but he was not inside her or fucking, just rubbing his dick on her pussy. Ok we move on, in the end they don't fuck because it's her turn on the spanking cross and she leaves for that.

Afterwards we have a talk about this moment, he reaffirms that they didn't have penetration but I do say that this action (hot dogging dick on pussy, rubing the head on the pussy) is already genital contact and, even with no impregnation concerns, the STD risk is there.

He says that we are already taking risks (oral) so this action is not any different.

I have to say that this is exactly how we stopped using condoms between ourselves, we were fucking multiple times a day and were horny in the middle of the night but the condoms ran out. At some point I was rubbing my pussy on his shaft and was like "oh well, already got every STD there was to be had, might as well fuck" so we did it condomless. I got tested afterwards, stabilished we were both STD free and from them on agreed to not use condoms bewteen ourselves and do with other partnes. (I use implant for birth control, condoms were always about std)

I do mostly have sex with women and it's without condoms, my few experiences with men were either in LTR where we don't use it or with partners who are very conscious abour condom usage, even with toys. So I've never done penis on vagina genital rubbing, and considered that as a nono to do unprotected on the same level as penetration.

I plan to bring up this again, since aparently that is an OK action to him, I'm assuming he has done that with all/most of his partners and while my gut reaction is to kinda be wary and not want this extra sexual risk, we do not use condoms for oral and I do not use it to FF, so I'm thinking the solution would be to accept this is part of the risks and doesn't bring any extra as he says, and maybe adapt with extra testing from time to time.

ok, so now my question:

What are your condom agreements for rubbing/oral/PiV/FF sex?

Do you consider rubbing penis on vagina different and take different protection measures than for actual PiV penetration?

TLDR: is condom for PiV but not for penis rubbed on vagina ok?