Recently I 26m and my wife 26f started down the path of ethical non monogamy, we went into this to experience new things together. we had an experience with another married couple, swapping which was really good. But there where moments at the end when I had finished with the other women and my partner was still kissing the other man which gave me a feeling of anxiety. I put it down as fomo and overall we both really liked the experience. More recently my wife has been talking with a few men while I’ve been talking with another women, initially we were doing this to have a threesome and that excited me both options excited me. As the weeks went on my wife and I started talking about the idea of seeing these people separately and although there was slight hesitation from me as we talked about her motivations for this and mine I was eased mentally. Her motivations were the fact that she liked I had full control of the situation at any point I could say no and she would come home and she also liked she had that control. My motivation was less clear to me sure the idea of sleeping with other people was cool but I couldn’t get this sinking feeling out of my head. I really wanted to be able to give her these experiences and wanted her to fulfill her desires. During this time I’d had a few more people to message but wasn’t really getting the same joy from it she was and during this time I felt my confidence being shaken. Anyway last night she went and met up with a guy, as soon as she got in the shower to get ready I felt like I’d lost control of the situation and couldn’t say no anymore. While she was gone and I was at home cleaning the house I felt insecure, emasculated and like I wasn’t enough. These feelings exploded to the front of my head and almost felt like it was out of know where. I sat in these feelings till she came home. I asked her how it went what she did and if she had fun and she did, which in one second I was really happy for her and in the next I was sad. I told her how it made me feel her being away and thinking about what she was doing she reassured that although she had fun it wasn’t a replace meant for me and that the experience although good was incomparable to what we have. This morning we talked more about what she did and I found out she did somethings she hasn’t been able to do with me. This again was a little crushing. This is all to say the feelings I have feel very selfish to be feeling, the fact that I said she could do this but now I don’t want her to. The jealousy I have of what he was able to do for her, the stupid toxic masculinity tropes I am living up to I feel so stupid because nothing can come between what I feel for her and I don’t resent her nor have I lost any of that love for her. She is still the most important part of my life and I don’t want to push her away by acting like a child. Any advice or suggestions please be brutally honest because it feels like I need a good talking to. Also sorry for terrible punctuation