Coming down from an nre honestly feels like coming down from an MDMA trip - or way worse to me. I have a BPD and nre is like a drug for me. The most powerful of all there is. We've been together with my newer partner for a year and four months approximately and been living together for two months (in which I've spent half of the time with another partner elsewhere). I've been staring to experience major rejectment issues and fear about abandonment, which I show by withdrawing, high irritability, self harm thoughts etc. A week ago my partner went to see someone other overnight for the first time in our time being together. They asked if it's alright and honestly it wasn't, but because I have another long-time partner I want to give the possibility for them to have one too, so I said "I don't want to restrict you and you do whatever you feel like is best to do". It kinda was the tipping point for me feeling our nre is over and now it's going to be haaaarrrddd and if we want to succeed we need to really work for our relationship. The thing is, we don't really talk about anything. They don't express their feelings and I don't either. They're always quite alright with anything I do, but I'm certainly not ok with us seeing other people yet - but because I don't know where I would be, I've agreed that it is something we can do. So how could I be able to manage better with my feelings and suggest us to start communicating more to each other? What's the first step? I feel sorrow as well. Feels like giving up something important. I think this is growing up, evolving and whatever, but I feel broken and unable to see my partner as I saw them just a little while ago.

I know I need therapy overall but getting to one is tough and in process - therapists who treat BPD are rare.