Hello everyone,

I love this sub and all the amazing advice people give - it has taught me so much since I’ve joined. I’ve sought advice before and I’m back!

For some brief context: myself and my partner (queer couple) play with other people semi regularly, sometimes together and sometimes separately. We don’t sleep with people we’ve played with together separately. We are open with one another about who we play with, how we play, and how we feel about the play. We trust each other fully and neither of us holds resentment or feelings of deceit or being left out, etc.

Even so, sometimes I struggle with feelings of guilt and shame from how much I enjoyed it, or how attractive I find someone, or just my interior fantasies. I sometimes even feel like I’m betraying my partner. I’ve shared this with my partner and they also of course have fantasies and enjoy their own play, and don’t feel I’m ever being disloyal (and also neither of us necessarily wants to know all the details). So I know it’s not •true• but the feelings that I’m being dishonest persist.

I’m not sure where these feelings of guilt and shame come from. Is it bound up with me having and exploring my sexuality and feeling societal shame? Is it undoing the monogamous conditioning? Fear?

I have regular therapy which helps a lot but I wonder if anyone can relate or has that thoughts to share?

Thank you in advance!