My wife (30F) and I (35M) have recently started to go out solo. On her first and, so far, only date, she got a little drunk and went on to have sex with a guy. During sex, he insisted on her compliment on the size of his dick and she didn't wan't to offer an answser. When he pressed her on it, she drunkenly answered that it wasn't that big and that she was used to bigger dicks (and also asked him to go harder, to which he couldn't). That, together with some of her "mean" jokes and perhaps the fact that she was quite intense sex-wise, made him not want to see her again.

Now, she is feeling bad about the way in which she treated him and concerned that this might happen again in other dates. The joke issue is something that happens sometimes with our male friends, as she can make some snarky remarks that can bruise a man's ego. She does the same to me, but I am mostly unaffected because I know her and know these kinds of remarks are not serious and are just her sense of humour (exacerbated when she drinks). She is truly a lovely person.

This situation brought to light another underlying issue. Throughout her whole life, she could only kiss and have sex someone when she was not sober, even though she has had quite a sexual history. She states that she has no real desire for anyone sober and needs to be (even if just a little) drunk/high to do so. The only exceptions are her ex-boyfriend and myself.

I don't like the way in which she behaves when she is drunk, but I also respect that drinking socially is something she enjoys and I have no problem if she keeps it under control.

Now, she is thinking about how she can reconcile not being mean and not putting other men down and being able to go out with people without having to resort to alcohol or other substances. I want to help her, but I am not sure how. Has anyone navigated through something similar?