Posting this here since the mods at r/polyamory decided to label this “unicorn hunting” and deleted it 🙄

Not really sure how to start this, but here it goes.

I, 29M, have always been a hopeless romantic. Ever since I was a kid, my goal in life was to be a father and husband. I wanted to find the girl of my dreams, buy a house, have some kids, get a dog, and then grow old together.

9 years ago, I met my wife, 27F. I fell for her really hard, and we started dating about a month later before moving in together a month after that. We’ve been through a lot. Job loses, joining the military, moving multiple times, etc. We both wanted the same dream, and slowly but surely, we were getting there.

A few years ago, something changed. I developed feelings for my best friend, 31F. The night I realized this, I went to my wife to talk to her about it. It wasn’t a great conversation. At the time, we weren’t very good at listening to the other person’s thoughts or feelings. We argued, we cried, and we went to bed in silence. Over the following year, we kept talking. About everything. Therapy, counseling. Even divorce(which was quickly shot down by us both). We soon found out that my best friend was polyamorous and interested in both of us. I proposed trying polyamory(something entirely new for us both). We talked about it for months, going back and forth on whether or not we should try it, what we would do if we found ourselves in specific situations, and ultimately decided not to. Eventually, any romantic feelings any of us had for each other(not including between my wife and I) faded.

We decided to take the next year and work on strengthening our marriage. We set rules to assure we both got to speak freely without interruption, phrases to determine intent (like, “is this an ‘I need you to fix this’ problem or an ‘I need you to listen’ problem”), and carve out time each week to spend dedicated quality time together. And things got so much better. When one of us has a problem, we solve it faster and without arguing, our sex life has gotten better, having discovered and figured out new things we like to do in the bedroom, and my wife’s friends have even said said they hope to find what we have. And our life goals (house, dog, kids) are on track, nicely.

A few months ago, my wife asked me what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday. I hadn’t really thought about it, but there was one thing I’ve wanted for a long time but never had the opportunity to experience. I told her I wanted to have a threesome. Now, several years ago, before we got married, she expressed interest in women and was unsure if she was just admiring them or was actually attracted to them. During the time we worked on bettering our marriage, she came to the conclusion that she is in fact bisexual. So, when I asked to have a threesome, she was hesitant but agreed. We’ve decided to take this as an opportunity for each us to experience something we haven’t before. We spoke with a friend of ours (my wife’s BFF) who we both trust and find attractive, explained everything, and she agreed to be our third. A few days later, the three of us ended up sexting in our group chat. It kinda came out of nowhere and we had so much fun. My wife actually surprised me and herself with how much she enjoyed it. A few days after that, I asked her, “If we all really enjoy it and want to make it a regular thing, would you be open to exploring polyamory again?” She said to give her a few days to think about it, and I did. After a few days, she said maybe, and that she wanted to get past the event first and see how everyone felt. I said okay, and we went on as usual.

A few days later, she asked me: “Why do I want multiple partners?” I hadn’t really thought about it that deeply. I just knew I found it appealing. She asked if I didn’t want to be monogamous anymore, and I told that wasn’t it. I told her “if I go the rest of my life with you as my only partner, I would consider that a good and successful life.” And I meant that. But it got me questioning myself. Why am I like this? Why, when I have such a wonderful wife who loves me as much as she does, do I want more? How can I be happy with my wife and want another partner? I don’t get it. I told my wife how I was feeling and she wasn’t sure what to say.

So, we turned to the internet, as one does, and found a term neither of us had ever heard of before. Ambiamorous. Hell, Apple doesn’t even have it in its dictionary, so it’s redlined. After reading up about it, we agreed it makes sense. My best friend and her best friend also agree it makes sense.

So that’s where we’re at right now. I’m not really sure what to make of this, but figured everyone here has had a similar experience and could give some insight.

TL;DR I discovered I may be ambiamorous and I’m not sure what to make of it.