I'm a recovering serial monogomer; In 20 years I have had 4 relationship that all drug out out 3-4 years each and none of them were ever really "right" and the last one being a failed engagement. In retrospect I always dove into LTRs much too eagerly because of the anxiety and loneliness of being single and the comforts of a relationship even if it wasn't with someone truly compatible. Now I'm approaching the one year mark being single, having done two short regretted re-entanglements with my recent ex which is always a mistake, and I've been on half a dozen first dates mostly all from OLD and only one so far has made it past the 1-3 dates mark. It's been slow going but I'm not too worried. I have developed secure attachment at this point in my life but what I've realized is that I'm not there yet on secure attachment to myself. I get anxious and I get cabin fever and yet I also relish weekends at home. There's an internal conflict there I'm trying to figure out.

Enter the romance effort and the major change of pace and figuring out how to truly be happy by myself. I've been dating an incredible woman and I'm not worried about it ending in heartbreak per say, although I feel it's possible if not likely given the situation, I'm honestly in love with this person and it's only the 2-3 month mark. I don't think I've ever experienced electric and flames like this before, it's honestly freaking exhilarating. Boxes are checked on all levels for me intellectually/emotionally/physically. She's ambitious and active and I love all of it. She has a young kiddo and divorce from marriage of 12 years, she says she's been separated 1.5 years but the ex is still in town and behind the scenes to some allegedly platonic degree. I am constantly telling myself to take it easy and keep it slow; she says she has/had anxious-avoidant attachment. The thing is, it's a huge change of pace and there are clearly big strings attached. I'm single and work a stable 9-5 type of schedule so I have a LOT of spare time on my hands. It gets lonely. I workout and have hobbies and stuff. She on the other hand has 100% custody of her kid, is slowly finalizing a drawn out divorce, has hobbies too, and works several part time jobs, so she has much less free time than I am used to. Sleepovers are virtually a near term impossibility which is a concept completely new to me. I'm very grateful to see her once or twice a week which to me is barely enough but I'm told by others that that's even a lot for early dating so I'm appreciative of the fresh perspectives of Redditors. We've started getting physical, which is also 10/10, which automatically starts to put my blinders up to being open to dating around still being single. She has introduced me to her kiddo and we have plans in a few weeks to all go to a music festival which is very exciting to me.

The last nugget is that she has been clear from the start that she's interested in polyamory. Her past marriage began hyper-religious from the sounds of it and we can relate on how damaging some of the "Christian values" were to us in younger times especially in relationships. To me this is a modern fad to call it polyamory but I'm open minded. I always thought swinging was how couples deal with the dried up spark at the 10 year mark and as I learn more poly is a whole ass spectrum. The concept of investing anything in more than one person is new to me but I kind of get it now. In a hierarchical sense it works for me as a #1; I really do want a live-in life partner and with discretion I would not care about other partners if my person is truly happy and I'm getting enough. The challenge is my excess spare time balanced with the confusion of "should I still be dating around" when I want to put all of my effort into this one. On the other hand as far as I'm concerned, I want her to date around and explore whatever she needs to before declaring a committed relationship. In my mind she has a 1 year hall pass, frankly.

Any thoughts would be welcome!