40 y/o M and 29y/o F.

BF reassured me that our relationship will always be a priority for him. I’m learning to explore my own way too but talking to others on an enm app while my BF does same and has met others for coffee and drinks.

My BF is frustrated that he has had to slow down with his ENM life because of being with me. I suppose we had differing views of ENM and timelines of when we were going to incorporate certain openness in our relationship. I do not want an open relationship and have explained this to my BF.

BF loves me very much and wants me in his life. I do too. I love him very much despite his complexity. It is just painful at times (note at times) when i hear him talk about his enm process. Even if its non sexual conversations he’s having, sometimes i’m not…in the headspace to listen calmly without my emotions taking over me. My heart starts to hurt and my brain has to keep reassuring me “its okay, he loves you, its okay, stay calm, this isn’t anything crazy, he’s not leaving you”.

I grew up with a cheating father and being the support for my mum who had to watch him drive off to another woman’s place (whom he had a child with) so i think many of my insecurity and triggers lie from there.

I keep telling myself its okay. We’ve had so so so many open conversations on this and in my head i KNOW he loves me, that our relationship is priority and that he wasn’t just heading out to get laid every night. He’s figuring things out his own way and considering me in the process but when he says he feels he has to slow down for me, rhat he has been nothing but honest about his desires from day 1, it just makes me feel like im dragging him down and on.

A part of me feels partially numb about it and a part of me feels emotional. Then when im calm, i feel like “ok it is what it is.” Am i accepting or just in denial? I don’t want to leave the relationship (i know there would be advice to do so). What else can i do? I have a therapist that knows and i talk to her.