My boyfriend and I opened our relationship after 5 years of a monogamish relationship. Monogamish as we invited people to our bedroom from time to time but always did it together. Now we were interested in solo dates.

The idea was brought up by my boyfriend. Previously to our relationship he has had multiple partners and times of sexual freedom while for me he was the first and only partner I had ever had. Even though we have had threesomes with other men before he wanted me to be able to experience what it is like to go on a date alone. He also has a light cuckold and voyeur kink which added an nice spicy element to it. I was open to the idea and eager to try.

Too eager I must admit in retrospect. Dating around was fun and in the process I think I lost track why we opened the relationship and why previous encounters had worked so well. I didn't involve my boyfriend enough. You know, a new date, a one night stand, a hookup is exciting and while I did tell my boyfriend everything afterwards he did tell me that hearing about it afterwards wasn't enough for him.

In the beginning he had not realised it himself but after several dates, introspection and communication he came to the conclusion that it was important for him to be involved to some extent. He suggested videos and pictures but I'm very camera shy and don't feel comfortable to get my phone out in such a private situation. He suggested other means of involving himself like voice and text messages or calls during the date, roleplay where he was maybe close by but in a different room or we met him immediately befor or after. I didn't really get at that time that this wasn't just a want but a strong need to make solo dates work for him. I never really did it as it kind of would have interrupted interrupted the flow of the date and the opportunity never presented itself organically.

I think I also underestimated the emotional toll these solo dates took on him. Don't get me wrong, he was actively encouraging me to go on further dates but he also did struggle with feelings of jealousy and FOMO. We communicated about these feelings but I think I still underestimated how strong they were. After all he always had been the more experienced one in our relationship.

There came a date where it all just came together. My phone was on low battery leaving the house and my date's charger didn't work at first so my phone was off for the majority of the date. I couldn't send any updates or involve my boyfriend like he had asked for. It was inconvenient but again I underestimated the need for this involvement so I didn't think much of it. My boyfriend picked me up from the train station but before we could reach our flat a friend called in tears because she was having an anxiety attack. Without thinking, I met with her to support her while my boyfriend went home alone. It was a difficult situation but looking back that must have felt horrible for my boyfriend. I neglected the most important part of any sexual play, aftercare.

Coming home there were a lot of tears. My boyfriend told me how hurt he felt, how unseen and not appreciated and I could not say anything against it because he was right. I had fucked up. I neglected the needs he communicated and left him alone after a long solo date without any aftercare and reassurance. He asked that we closed the relationship and stated he didn't know if he wanted to ever open it again. I obviously agreed and felt awful for hurting him. I had neglected my responsibilities as his partner and gotten swept up in the fun of dating solo. I had showed, that I wasn't able to adjust to his needs in an open relationship.

There we are now two months later, still closed. We are looking towards the summer where we plan to go on kinky events together. Still as a monogamous couple but ready to have little adventures again. We are kind of doing a back to the basics, practicing walking befor running. Maybe we do open up in the future again. We still have those kinks, they didn't vanish. But for now we both agree that it's smarter to skip on solo dates for an indefinite time.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to write it off my chest and maybe my mistakes help you to avoid them.