Things just keep moving.

I had a discussion with my new internet man yesterday, and it went well! I tried not to ramble and convey my thoughts, and we came to the conclusion that we basically didn’t want to change our lives, and we’d just chill for a while. He’s got his things, I’ve got mine, but we like each other and kinda want to enjoy the time we get to spend together when we’re free. I asked how much he’d want to invest in this new thing we have, and he said a moderate amount.

I find that he fills a spot that I didn’t know I’d like to have filled, which is really cool. I think that’s a good part of why I’ve been thinking about him since we finally met up.

I don’t intend on going to his house 3 times a week (like I’ll have done this week), but he does talk about wanting to have me around frequently, even though I don’t think he’s being totally serious. I feel pretty comfortable talking to him about stuff, even though I do have a lot of anxiety when it comes to mutual introspection. I get nervous that someone won’t like me in the end, is all.

I should probably set some rules with him about our roleplaying, because I can definitely see that going south in a bad situation were it to arise. We’ve got a birthday date planned tonight that I plan on using to further clearing things up with him, so that I can get to that point where everything is okay. Super hyped about the date though. He said we’d hold hands and get pasteries.

I talked with my husband this morning and last night about the guy, and we both came to a good discussion where we felt okay with both reality and the possibilities down the road. I’m excited to see him as well for my parent’s celebration of my birthday on Sunday.

I don’t think I know what a moderate amount of investment in someone else looks like for me, but I’m trying to figure it out. I don’t quite feel like I’m asking the right questions, and I’m curious on how other people like to balance their time between their partners. How does one juggle people elegantly? Time is good, space is good, but how much time and space is properly required to cultivated a healthy relationship? Especially involving other people?

I read the polyforus article about common pitfalls, and I feel okay about my current approach with a lot of those. I mostly am wondering what your procedures are for keeping in touch, scheduling, and conflicts when they arise. And also, power dynamics, if that’s relevant. Currently I’m juggling my husband, a friend-with-benefits and this new guy, and I don’t feel overwhelmed? But what I do feel is mostly fear of dropping someone, because I like them all.

Also, if you have any good guides, please send them my way! I’m trying to read up on non-mono literature. Again, bear with me, I’m 21, autistic and stupid so if I said something dumb, it’s because I’m dumb, sorry.