Iâm 24F, my Boyfriend 27
Between friendship and structures of a relationship as imposed by society, I want to choose our friendship and let him explore different forms of intimacy as heâs never had a âhook upâ phase in life and wish to discuss the structural constructs of ENM.
I hate to set dos and donâts because I want the person involved to make the right choices. However, he has explicitly said that he does not like grey areas and believes in discussing and setting ground rules are a must. (Is that true?)
What are the simple questions one must incorporate while setting up a structure for ENM. Please advice.
It would help to have some sort of agreement (rather than strict rules) up front, simply to avoid being blindsided when assumptions are proven wrong.
Some questions worth looking into could be:
⢠â What kind of ENM are you wanting to explore? Swingers? Solo dating? Polyamory? What is off limit in that regard?
⢠â What is your stand on developing romantic emotions for others? How will you reduce the chance of that if itâs _not _ ok?
⢠â How will you handle NRE for yourself and if your partner experience it?
⢠â How will you handle jealousy, your own or your partners?
⢠â How much resources will you spend on this, both time and money?
⢠â If you date apart, what are ok to do with others: holding hands, kissing in public, overnights, weekend get away, holidays?
⢠â How do you handle communication with others? Is it ok to text others around each other? When? How much?
⢠â How will you maintain your own relationship? Date nights? Radar sessions or similar?
- EDIT to ADD: Safer sex practices. What precautions will each of you take to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STIs?
Oh, and I assume you will be exploring too? Or at least have the option to do so?
Good point. These agreements tend to change as you go along and get more comfortable or run into unforeseen challenges etc.
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- 7 months ago
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Itâs generally not recommended to go DADT (ie donât ask, donât tell). At the same time, you shouldnât overshare to the point of violating the other personâs right to privacy (unless itâs agreed upon with them.)
I would recommend that you guys share enough to keep each other in the loop and enough to keep the mind spinning out of control with scenarios. You might also experience that this will change with time as you hopefully become more comfortable in the situation.