My (40M) partner and I have been monogamous for 13 years. I'm tolerated the lack of sex and intimacy for all this time because of love and we generally enjoy each other's company and share great times together. He has had issues performing for the past 9 or so years and my particular sexual desires have not been met in that time. I'm just about ready to move on, but want to give one last ditch effort by suggesting we explore new boundaries. He has traditionally judged others in non monogamous relationships, of which he claims has been because of STDs, etc. He is a major germaphobe so that's part of that, but he's also a very jealous person. I don't know if there's any books or ways I can subtly start floating the idea of this for a way to fulfill my sexual needs, or if this 13 year relationship is just over. I did recently read a book called "Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage," and thought it could be an option, but I'm also worried it highlights too much that could defend monogamy, which is something I no longer want in this particular relationship. I'm open to monogamy with someone else if both of our needs are being met.

I was also thinking of just randomly playing Dan Savage podcasts on our 7 hour road trip. Advice appreciated!

One note about why I want to be more subtle is that he will definitely go and tell his sister and possibly other family members, which will turn them against me. He might even desperately tell people in my family who are super religious.