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Played or just mixed signals?
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My husband (26M) and I (26F) have been talking about polyamory for a while now and decided to finally dip our toes into the dating game. We found a girl who we both connected with and decided to take her out to dinner. We drove 1.5 hours to her, brought her flowers, paid for dinner, paid for parking, went to a bar and paid for two rounds of drinks, then she wanted to go out to eat again so we paid for that (she didn’t offer to pay for anything which I thought was sus bc I always offer even if it’s an empty offer). We expected for all of us to be nervous, which we all kinda were. Conversation was like pulling teeth. It was so hard to keep a convo going on her end. At the bar, I went to the restroom twice and both times she and my husband made out and were sexually vibing and having fun. My husband went to the bathroom twice and it was very awkward between her and me. It kinda made me feel like I was cockblocking. She was making statements that we were going to be sexually involved after the bar (but I kept making sure to tell her we weren’t expecting anything because I didn’t want her to feel pressured or anything). My husband mentioned twice about getting a hotel room and she never responded to either one, and I asked her what she wanted to do after. After sitting in silence for a while, she finally said to take her back to her car so we could call it a night. I did and we said goodbye. We were messaging her after the date to make sure everything was okay. She said it was a good date and she was super horny the whole time. We told her we were confused because she didn’t seem like it. She asked if we would’ve been down for sex and we said yes and she said she wished she would’ve realized. It was mentioned a few times so we were confused. My husband and I were trying to figure out if she used us for a free night of food and drinks or if it was truly a miscommunication? LET ME REPEAT: she does not owe us anything, especially sexually. I made sure she knew that all night and she said we made her feel very comfortable and content.

Comments

I’m gonna skip the whole polyamory/dating together bit as I’m sure someone else will jump in with a link and some choice words in that regard.

It sounds like she just didn’t feel you and didn’t fancy having sex with you there. But also, anyone who has a full dinner and goes out to eat even more, probably isn’t really planning to have sex anytime soon.

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It is a rare, difficult and often problematic form of polyamory. Search for “unicorn hunters” on this sub and you’ll get all the information I cannot be bothered to type up.

Have you watched “Couple to Throuple” by any chance?

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Posted
8 months ago