I had one of those experiences last year, when my husband took his FWB out to dinner in the city a few times. It really got to me, and I couldn’t understand why as I didn’t really mind him being public with her or anything like that.

It took me a bit of soul searching to realise it was because this was something I had wanted to do with him for years, but not been able to for various reasons (lack of baby sitters and mental health issues mainly). This helped me see that my feelings had less to do with jealousy and more to do with envy. And as such, there was an easy solutions to my feelings: making sure him and I started having more of these experiences too.

Ok, I get it. Thanks for explaining.

Like you I’m not interested in polyamory (although I have done a lot of mental work around it to see if I could be able to if that would benefit hubby). In the beginning of our journey, that type of jealousy you describe here was very much a part of it. I did the whole trying to control and hold on to our previous relationship by having all these rules to make me feel safe. But that has eased off and the restaurant incident was definitely a justice jealousy, because the hurt gave as soon as I recognised the source and the remedy.

(And I know exactly which podcaster you’ve been listening to. She’s told that story several times, and I’m always surprised by her tenacity to push through.)