Sooo... I thought I'd ask for some advice here on how to proceed in our situation and apologies for a long post. English is not my first language, as I'm finnish, so excuse me if something reads a bit funny. A little history first:

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Me(36M) and my partner (37F) have been together for little over 10 years. We opened it up about 3 months ago, and things haven't been going so smoothly as we thought. Or, my few hookups have been easy for her, her hookups weren't easy for me. One thing to note here was that I did have some stressors already at this point, as she was going out on every weekend for one night already since late summer, and I was at home with kids and getting fed up with it. Also, I guess I have some wounds of the past, since I was once cheated on. Of course, we made the mistake about going into it head first without researching too much. At first, we agreed some rules:

- No fooling around with others at all if we're in the same space (at party, bar, etc, not even kissing)

- No hookups in our home

- Always tell everything what happened and when going to someone's place to hookup, send location via Whatsapp

- Always hold each other as number one priority, make sure that partner is comfortable

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So with these rules, she went to bar about week later and hooked up with a guy. She did send me the location and everything, BUT she stayed long into the next afternoon there. I didn't take it too well, I had huge anxiety. Next weekend, she hooked up again, though this time she was at home in the morning. Week later, a cruise and action with two guys (not at the same time though). I was going out rather much too, but didn't of course have same kind of luck. Tougher for guys and I guess my anxiety was affecting my game too. Then about christmas time, she went on Tinder and I pretty much got paranoid about the attention she was getting there, as my Tinder was practically empty. I pretty much thought she was constantly messaging other guys, as she's constantly on her phone (although she's always been like that).

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About at new years eve, we did discuss about her slowing down, but fuck it, she didn't. There were few weeks when she'd go on a date midweek and hookup on weekend. At this time, it seemed like I almost got ED from all this(of there's something happy, we do have sex pretty much every day), and it seriously was hurting my game and everything. Mid-January, I guess I got her convinced that I need more time to adjust my head, so we agreed on a few weekends through Jan-Feb that she'd come home. But I guess the damage was done at this point, it was really hard for me to even stay at home with kids even if she'd promise to come home. She did always, props for that, but I'd pretty much always be anxiously sipping my morning coffee at 5AM when she'd come.

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About mid-February, I started experiencing some kind of panic attacks. Always when she'd insist on going out, or if we had a fight, she was hooking up... We've had some serious discussions and I've seeked help from my occupational psychiatrist. I've been in the understanding that things are at halt on seeing others for a while till I get my head fixed and our relationship's gotten stronger. We've had some serious fights and she's been exhausted because I just got to talk about what's going on in my head, to get it out. She's often getting defensive about me locking her up or that she's not my psychiatrist on this etc. Although the last few discussions have been not so much defense on her side, I guess she's beginning to understand the damage I've got so far.

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Fast forward to yesterday, we threw a party at our apartment. We had checked earlier with each other that the rule of not fooling around with others was well understood by both. We were all very drunk, she was pretty much wasted but I got sleepy before her at about 3AM or so, so I went to sleep. In the morning I heard that she kissed one of the guys and things could've moved further if the guy didn't fuck up with the dresser he lifted her ass on. And this DID TAKE PLACE NEXT TO THE FUCKING ROOM I WAS SLEEPING IN. Oh did I mention the guy was taken? The noise from the fallen dresser made the others go and check in what was happening there(door wasn't locked), and of course the guy's girlfriend freaked out. Their relationship wasn't so stable, but this was the final nail in the coffin. They fought and the guy got irritating to others, so my wife's brother threw him out. The wife of course apologized to her friend and admitted her mistake to the friend. She doesn't admit to remember all the details about this. She said it was only a couple of kisses, and nothing sexual before that, but I'm finding that couple kisses part at least hard to believe since she said the guy was lifting her on the dresser.

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Today, we talked about this and the thing that bothers me most is that she doesn't seem to have any regret towards me or any sign of trying to comfort or anything. She broke the rule and playfully said to me that she's going to hear about this for the next 3 months and pretty much no other explanations unless I asked for it. Of course she's hungover, that could affect it, but I'd really appreciate some initiative towards me about this.

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Got any advice on how to proceed from here and if our plan of holding things at halt until I get my head right seems ok? I feel I've lost much of the trust on her since she broke rules like this.